7/20/2017

As long as you are still breathing, there is still time…

That’s something the speaker in church said on Sunday and it struck me really hard.

Today my sister and I were driving with on a highway in the middle of nowhere for our work we do together and all of sudden it started pouring rain. 

The thing about driving in the pouring rain is it’s a lot like driving in the snow. And once the road gets covered in water, it can be like driving on black ice.

We slid off the road and probably were out of control of the car for about 40 ft of driving through bushes and desert terrain. Luckily there were no signs or anything for us to hit, we just plowed through a few small bushes. It was also lucky that we were in my sister’s SUV and not my Prius.

Last week I was listening to a talk and in the talk the speaker was telling a story about a time when he was walking on a bridge and the footing gave way. He fell and the first thing he did was yell out:

Father! Help me!

Praying out loud. He immediately thought to turn to his Heavenly Father and he was caught by one of the other hikers.

As I listened to the talk twice (I like to listen to them twice so I can hear the message and let it sink in) I wondered if I would immediately know or think to call out in prayer.

Fast forward to today when my sister and I were praying to see if we should make this drive, I received a response of “Trust me”.

And as we slid off the road and had a very tense 60 seconds, the first thing I did was scream my sisters name (to alert her of the situation in case she somehow missed that she had lost control of the car.) and then my heart praying to Heavenly Father for us to be safe.

And we were. A little whiplash and definitely shook up, but we were safe.

Then when we had turned around and said a prayer of gratitude, that saying from the speaker on Sunday came to my mind.

Even when you’re sliding out of control in the pouring rain, as long as you’re still breathing there is still time to call out to your Heavenly Father.

07/17/2017

I’ve really missed my blog lately. I’ve been running so crazy that I couldn’t even think of anything to write about on here.

I mean, I haven’t even done my make up in like a month, let alone written on my blog. That is just not like me.

Actually, it is like me. I’m very inconsistent with my blog over the weeks, but over the years, I have been killing it at this for almost 6 and a half years.

Anyways, the last couple of days there has been some lyrics from a song stuck in my head:

All will be well

Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself

All will be will

You can ask me how, but only time will tell.

This has been coming to my mind since there have been a few situations recently where things haven’t panned out and the aftermath leaves you just trying your hardest to manage.

In other words, trying to keep your head and then keep it above water.

But I just like the words of that song about how even after breaking promises to yourself, which I have done quite often, things will get better after time.

And that is comforting to me right now.

(All Will Be Well – The Gabe Dixon Band)

05/22/2017

The other day I watched this Ted Talk about stress and how it is actually healthy for you to feel stress.
The scientist discussed how if you view stress as healthy and the reactions your body has as rising to the occasion instead of getting stressed out, you will not have the negative reactions health-wise to stress that we normally hear about from doctors.

When I watch these sort of things, I see the benefits of knowing the results of these and trying to change your habits to be happier and healthier.
However, the last little while has been a very stressful time as we moved from our apartment to a house and I ended up having to quit my job in order to help with some of the things happening with my sister and her baby.

So, during this time, I kept thinking about that Ted Talk and how it was my body rising to the occasion….yeah that did not work.
Even though I understand the logic behind the idea of how stress is actually healthy and natural for you to experience.
That makes complete sense to me, however, it does not take away from the actual experience of being stressed and trying to function in that situation.
I think I do okay when I am in stressful situations, but being able to try to be super stoked or see my stress reactions as being ready for what I am about to do.
That may just be due to years of seeing the stress reaction for what they are, but I guess it helps to just keep the idea in the back of your head that it might be healthy?

Who’s to say, but I still am feeling stress as not the best feeling in the world and ready for it to go away.

04/26/2017

A couple of days ago I wrote that I was going to post my positive thoughts for 21 days.
I would just like to show this as evidence that I have no follow through and want to be able to post what I want and not be held to a deadline.
That is why when people ask me what my blog is about, I tell them there is no theme or topic.
Why?
I don’t want to be confined to only writing about the things that I previously thought I would want to write about.
Like one time I tried to write a movie review. That was dumb.
I don’t want to review movies, I want to just write out my thoughts when I have them.

Now, the idea of posting things I am grateful for and a positive experience I have had would have been a good idea and that probably would have worked out great.
But I just don’t have the follow through and now a few days later I want to talk about something else, but instead I am spending the time to write out this explaining why I have no follow through in that area.

You see, though my blog is a public arena where anyone can come across it and read what I have written, I still write my direct thoughts I am having on here.
It has become an avenue for my free creative thinking to be expressed and like most not artist people doing something artistic-ish, I don’t want that bogged down by previous restraints I have put on myself.
I want to still write about God, psychology, eating hot dogs at a gas stations, or whatever else pops into my head at the time without being worried that I didn’t follow-up on the previous promised post of positivity.

So, this is me back tracking and letting you know I will probably work on the positive thinking outside of posting it on my blog, because I have no follow through on here.

That’s all.

04/21/2017

So, last night I was talking to this guy who happens to be interested in psychology as well and get this…he is actually going to use his psychology degree!
Crazy.
Didn’t tell him that I am farce who just studies psychology cause it’s interesting and not because I have any intention of using it as a career.

Anyways, we were talking about how to stay positive and happy with yourself.
I sent him the following video:

I actually read that guy’s book and didn’t even know he did a Ted Talk til recently, but I like the Ted Talk, because he is going to be way more direct in 12 minutes than 200+ pages.
Anyways, a little while back I started to do the suggestions in that video of writing down three things you are grateful for and journaling one positive thing that happened to you, but I only made it a few days.
He suggests 21 and now that I am thinking about it, I want to try that again because I have been kind of down, particularly yesterday, and since my blog is my journal, everyone else gets to join in on this.

  1. I am grateful for my knowledge of God and His plan of happiness.
  2. I am grateful for the Atonement and that I can repent of my sins. There is nothing better than the ability to feel clean again and removed of guilt.
  3. I am grateful that I can pray and feel close to my Heavenly Father

I feel like those are easy ones to be grateful for and probably similar to what anyone (at least who is religious) would say.
But I want to say them first, because they are the most important.

And the one positive thing that I want to write about that happened yesterday was that I feeling sick and had to come home early from work.
I was laying in bed feeling awful and frankly depressed as well. (I find not feeling well seems to be a big player in my mental state)
And I called our golden retriever to come lay with me and he is still a puppy so he is very busy.
Every 30 seconds he would try to find a new position to lay in instead of just laying down next to me.
Anyways, I just ended up laying in bed laughing with him, because he is such a wiggle worm.
It’s not what you would expect to be a positive experience, but he just makes me happy.

Just a reference picture for you.

 

03/31/2017

Lately I have been doing my actual major classes in college.
I only have a year and change left before I finally get my Bachelor’s degree. I may want to get an emphasis certificate after that which may add a year, but I will still have the degree.
I can finally check that box off when I go to apply to places.
(You can’t see me roll my eyes.)

I may have said it before, but unless you are going to have a specific career like medical, dental, accountant, or a scientist, the actual degree you get does not really matter.
Being someone who has had good job experience already and tries to find a job, I have found that most potential employers do not ask what your degree is in.
They just want to see that you have a degree.

This is why I chose to major in Psychology.
It is easy, interesting, and I will finally be able to check that box of having a Bachelor’s.
Also, I don’t think there is anything wrong with learning more about how people function.
Even when I was a teenager, my parents would have me read personality books so I could be more understanding of the people who were around me. It actually makes it a lot easier to interact with others.

Anyways, with our current political demands a lot of people will ask me that if I don’t care about my major and just chose an easy one, aren’t I upset to be paying so much money?
The truth is…not really.
I am okay with the cost of my education and the amount of loans I have had to take out, because yes I did have to take out loans.
This is an investment in my future, because I have been turned down by higher paying jobs that I am qualified for simply due to the fact that I do not have a degree.

And as for loans, I have had people telling me not to get student loans since I was 19 years old.
For the 6 years I have been going to college, because I am someone who works full-time instead of just straight going.
In my experience, people who are able to go to college without taking out loans are either one of three people:

  • Their parents paid for it.
  • They are better at saving than me.
  • They are more patient and willing to forgo classes til they have the money.

And that is all great.
It makes me think of the Princess Bride when Inigo Montoya and Wesley are dueling and Inigo says:

“I am willing to admit you are better than I am.”

I think it reminds me of that part of the movie, because Inigo is smiling when he says it, because even though Wesley is better, it does not change Inigo’s situation.
Not an exact comparison, but the brain makes the associations it wants.

I had to take out student loans, but if I take them out now and get a higher paying job, it puts me in a more stable position to pay them off.
Just like taking out an auto loan you intend to pay off.

Anyways, I am one of those dumb, roll-your-eyes psychology majors and I am almost done.

03/30/2017

One thing I have been doing lately when I go to blog is actually changing the names of my older posts to be the date it was written instead of whatever clever title I decided to come up with at the time.
My thought process behind this is that those days only occurred once and having a blog for 6 years now it has become more of a record of where I have been and my thoughts as a person, as opposed to me trying to be clever or entertain someone with a title.

Anyways, it is funny to go back in time and be looking at these blog posts that I was writing back in February of 2011.
First of all, I was a lot more eager to write on my blog back then than I was now. I remember when I first started it up I had so many thoughts I wanted to write on the blog that I was actually trying not to post too many times in one day.
As I am re-naming my posts, I am seeing days where I posted 3 times in a day!
I don’t know if we can chalk that up to eager, late teenage enthusiasm or just that now I am busier, but these days I am always thinking about things for my blog and then they never quite make it over to it.
We are looking at a post every 3 weeks if we are lucky.

But the other thing that really struck me was finding this post that I wrote back on 02/18/2011.
6 days after my 19th birthday, which is so crazy that here 6 years, 1 month, and 12 days (I did use a calculator for that) I would still be blogging.
Anyways, in that post I am talking about changing a CD in a rented truck in the middle of the night.
I remember that night and seeing that other car while I was trying to change the CD. I can’t remember why I was out in the middle of the night, but I do remember sitting there trying to change out the CD.

The thing is that now I don’t even stay out that late. In fact, I get tired at 8 o’clock and am usually in bed by 11 at the latest.
There are no midnight CD changing runs now.
I have gotten older and it’s crazy to look back and see that.

03/24/2017

I have been working at a new job in Draper for about 6 weeks now and it is actually one that I think I would be okay staying at for a long while.
I may die at this job and that’s okay.
I don’t necessarily fit in, but that’s okay too.

I don’t work out and this company has a full, huge gym in the building.
But one thing that I do while at work that just seems to baffle everyone is I like to walk up and down the stairs. My work has 4 floors and 6 flights of stairs and I try to go and walk up and down those stairs a few times a day.
Right now my goal is 5 times a day, because I have watched my Fitbit and one time up and down is 250 steps. So, if I were to go up and down 5 times in a day, it would be a 1000 steps. Which is a nice portion when you have a Fitbit. Also, I read online that walking up 3 flights of stairs burns 15 calories, so if I were to do it 5 times a day, I would have burned 150 extra calories without working out or putting on special shoes. In fact, it only takes me about 3 and a half minutes to walk up and down the stairs one time.
So far I have only been able to fit in doing it 4 times a day, but that still is 120 calories and pretty good in my opinion.
My goal would be to work up to being able to walk up and down the stairs twice in a row, which if I could do that 5 times a day, it would end up being 300 calories.

It is a bit lost on my coworkers though and the other people who work in this building.
There have been a couple of times when I have been walking up and down the stairs and someone will hold the door for me on a particular level. Sometimes I will be polite and go through the door and then wait til they walk away to go back to the stairwell.
Most of the time I will just smile and tell them it’s not might floor. I’ve had a couple of people look at me like I am the most weird person and say:

So, you’re just walking up and down the stairs?

Yep. I am that weird.
I walk up and down the stairs.
There have been a couple other times where it feels a little uncomfortable, like when I walk up to my desk afterwards all out of breath and it seems like I got that way from just two flights of stairs to the second floor.
Or I just imagine the people walking past seeing this chubby, out of breath girl trying to smile at them as she walks up the stairs.
Oh Well.
I usually don’t get crazy out of breath until I am on the last flight, funnily enough.

I have actually seen some benefit to this already in that my legs have been killing my all week just from walking up and down the stairs. The other night our puppy kept running over my calves when I was kneeling next to the bed and I about killed him.
Other than that, it makes me feel productive in some way without having to put forth the full effort of working out.
I have been trying to be more reasonable with myself and build up to certain goals. Like I switch my Fitbit daily goal from 10,500 steps to 5,500. 10,500 is awesome and I probably should be doing that, but I have yet to achieve it consistently and I would rather work up to it and give myself good, reachable goals that become indifferent to the goal because it’s too high.

Anyways, I walk up and down the stairs at work and people think I’m weird.

03/09/2017

So, I know that I haven’t written on my blog in a while, but the sad truth of the matter is that I haven’t had much to say.
I have still had conversations with people, but it is again similar to calling your parents and the first thing they ask is what is new?
There is no news.
But this is something I have thought about this weekend and again today. I know it’s something that I have written about on here before, but I have had my blog for 6 years now, so that is bound to happen.

The thought that I have been having mostly revolves around the idea of how people perceive me in that first 7 seconds that they see me.
I had a boss once when I was 16 years old who told me that people make their first impression judgement in the first 7 seconds that they meet you.
I have never taken the time to look up studies to confirm this, but this idea has stuck with me since that boss told me about it.
If I only have 7 seconds in the beginning to make that first impression, which many people say is hard to later get over, what do people in those first few seconds.

These are the two specific questions that come to mind when I think about that perception:

  • Do I look like an adult or a child?
  • Do I look like a girl?

Now, in today’s day and age, or maybe just in the popular media and Tumblr’s world, people supposedly aren’t meant to decide if you are a female or not when they first meet you?
I can’t speak for that, but I can speak for the fact that I want them to clearly see that I am a female.
Why do I sit and wonder about this?
Well, I mostly wear the same things everyday. There have been times, like at the beginning of the year, that I have thought that I should dress cuter or more feminine, but I always end up dressing the same and wanting to wear the same clothes.
I have found that when I do wear different clothes, I am always waiting for when I can change back into the basics that I wear:

  • High Waist Skinny Jeans
  • Plain T-shirt (Usually a mens, sometimes a V-neck)
  • Toms or slip ons (sometimes Tennis shoes)
  • Hoodie (if it’s cold)

That’s all I ever want to wear. I dress up every Sunday or when I am asked to, but that is it for style. And again, when I try to change what I wear, I just think about how much I wish I was wearing the basics again.

Anyways, a couple of days ago I was walking up the stairs of my new job and at the top of the stairs was this man dressed in a suit.
And he looked good. He wasn’t particularly attractive, in case that is what you meant, but he looked snappy.
This is what I was wearing:

 

And when I walked past this man and we said Good Morning, I wondered if he thought I looked like a child.
Did he? We don’t know.

But this is a reoccurring thought of whether I look like an adult female or now.

That’s it.