04/21/2017

So, last night I was talking to this guy who happens to be interested in psychology as well and get this…he is actually going to use his psychology degree!
Crazy.
Didn’t tell him that I am farce who just studies psychology cause it’s interesting and not because I have any intention of using it as a career.

Anyways, we were talking about how to stay positive and happy with yourself.
I sent him the following video:

I actually read that guy’s book and didn’t even know he did a Ted Talk til recently, but I like the Ted Talk, because he is going to be way more direct in 12 minutes than 200+ pages.
Anyways, a little while back I started to do the suggestions in that video of writing down three things you are grateful for and journaling one positive thing that happened to you, but I only made it a few days.
He suggests 21 and now that I am thinking about it, I want to try that again because I have been kind of down, particularly yesterday, and since my blog is my journal, everyone else gets to join in on this.

  1. I am grateful for my knowledge of God and His plan of happiness.
  2. I am grateful for the Atonement and that I can repent of my sins. There is nothing better than the ability to feel clean again and removed of guilt.
  3. I am grateful that I can pray and feel close to my Heavenly Father

I feel like those are easy ones to be grateful for and probably similar to what anyone (at least who is religious) would say.
But I want to say them first, because they are the most important.

And the one positive thing that I want to write about that happened yesterday was that I feeling sick and had to come home early from work.
I was laying in bed feeling awful and frankly depressed as well. (I find not feeling well seems to be a big player in my mental state)
And I called our golden retriever to come lay with me and he is still a puppy so he is very busy.
Every 30 seconds he would try to find a new position to lay in instead of just laying down next to me.
Anyways, I just ended up laying in bed laughing with him, because he is such a wiggle worm.
It’s not what you would expect to be a positive experience, but he just makes me happy.

Just a reference picture for you.

 

03/31/2017

Lately I have been doing my actual major classes in college.
I only have a year and change left before I finally get my Bachelor’s degree. I may want to get an emphasis certificate after that which may add a year, but I will still have the degree.
I can finally check that box off when I go to apply to places.
(You can’t see me roll my eyes.)

I may have said it before, but unless you are going to have a specific career like medical, dental, accountant, or a scientist, the actual degree you get does not really matter.
Being someone who has had good job experience already and tries to find a job, I have found that most potential employers do not ask what your degree is in.
They just want to see that you have a degree.

This is why I chose to major in Psychology.
It is easy, interesting, and I will finally be able to check that box of having a Bachelor’s.
Also, I don’t think there is anything wrong with learning more about how people function.
Even when I was a teenager, my parents would have me read personality books so I could be more understanding of the people who were around me. It actually makes it a lot easier to interact with others.

Anyways, with our current political demands a lot of people will ask me that if I don’t care about my major and just chose an easy one, aren’t I upset to be paying so much money?
The truth is…not really.
I am okay with the cost of my education and the amount of loans I have had to take out, because yes I did have to take out loans.
This is an investment in my future, because I have been turned down by higher paying jobs that I am qualified for simply due to the fact that I do not have a degree.

And as for loans, I have had people telling me not to get student loans since I was 19 years old.
For the 6 years I have been going to college, because I am someone who works full-time instead of just straight going.
In my experience, people who are able to go to college without taking out loans are either one of three people:

  • Their parents paid for it.
  • They are better at saving than me.
  • They are more patient and willing to forgo classes til they have the money.

And that is all great.
It makes me think of the Princess Bride when Inigo Montoya and Wesley are dueling and Inigo says:

“I am willing to admit you are better than I am.”

I think it reminds me of that part of the movie, because Inigo is smiling when he says it, because even though Wesley is better, it does not change Inigo’s situation.
Not an exact comparison, but the brain makes the associations it wants.

I had to take out student loans, but if I take them out now and get a higher paying job, it puts me in a more stable position to pay them off.
Just like taking out an auto loan you intend to pay off.

Anyways, I am one of those dumb, roll-your-eyes psychology majors and I am almost done.

03/30/2017

One thing I have been doing lately when I go to blog is actually changing the names of my older posts to be the date it was written instead of whatever clever title I decided to come up with at the time.
My thought process behind this is that those days only occurred once and having a blog for 6 years now it has become more of a record of where I have been and my thoughts as a person, as opposed to me trying to be clever or entertain someone with a title.

Anyways, it is funny to go back in time and be looking at these blog posts that I was writing back in February of 2011.
First of all, I was a lot more eager to write on my blog back then than I was now. I remember when I first started it up I had so many thoughts I wanted to write on the blog that I was actually trying not to post too many times in one day.
As I am re-naming my posts, I am seeing days where I posted 3 times in a day!
I don’t know if we can chalk that up to eager, late teenage enthusiasm or just that now I am busier, but these days I am always thinking about things for my blog and then they never quite make it over to it.
We are looking at a post every 3 weeks if we are lucky.

But the other thing that really struck me was finding this post that I wrote back on 02/18/2011.
6 days after my 19th birthday, which is so crazy that here 6 years, 1 month, and 12 days (I did use a calculator for that) I would still be blogging.
Anyways, in that post I am talking about changing a CD in a rented truck in the middle of the night.
I remember that night and seeing that other car while I was trying to change the CD. I can’t remember why I was out in the middle of the night, but I do remember sitting there trying to change out the CD.

The thing is that now I don’t even stay out that late. In fact, I get tired at 8 o’clock and am usually in bed by 11 at the latest.
There are no midnight CD changing runs now.
I have gotten older and it’s crazy to look back and see that.

03/24/2017

I have been working at a new job in Draper for about 6 weeks now and it is actually one that I think I would be okay staying at for a long while.
I may die at this job and that’s okay.
I don’t necessarily fit in, but that’s okay too.

I don’t work out and this company has a full, huge gym in the building.
But one thing that I do while at work that just seems to baffle everyone is I like to walk up and down the stairs. My work has 4 floors and 6 flights of stairs and I try to go and walk up and down those stairs a few times a day.
Right now my goal is 5 times a day, because I have watched my Fitbit and one time up and down is 250 steps. So, if I were to go up and down 5 times in a day, it would be a 1000 steps. Which is a nice portion when you have a Fitbit. Also, I read online that walking up 3 flights of stairs burns 15 calories, so if I were to do it 5 times a day, I would have burned 150 extra calories without working out or putting on special shoes. In fact, it only takes me about 3 and a half minutes to walk up and down the stairs one time.
So far I have only been able to fit in doing it 4 times a day, but that still is 120 calories and pretty good in my opinion.
My goal would be to work up to being able to walk up and down the stairs twice in a row, which if I could do that 5 times a day, it would end up being 300 calories.

It is a bit lost on my coworkers though and the other people who work in this building.
There have been a couple of times when I have been walking up and down the stairs and someone will hold the door for me on a particular level. Sometimes I will be polite and go through the door and then wait til they walk away to go back to the stairwell.
Most of the time I will just smile and tell them it’s not might floor. I’ve had a couple of people look at me like I am the most weird person and say:

So, you’re just walking up and down the stairs?

Yep. I am that weird.
I walk up and down the stairs.
There have been a couple other times where it feels a little uncomfortable, like when I walk up to my desk afterwards all out of breath and it seems like I got that way from just two flights of stairs to the second floor.
Or I just imagine the people walking past seeing this chubby, out of breath girl trying to smile at them as she walks up the stairs.
Oh Well.
I usually don’t get crazy out of breath until I am on the last flight, funnily enough.

I have actually seen some benefit to this already in that my legs have been killing my all week just from walking up and down the stairs. The other night our puppy kept running over my calves when I was kneeling next to the bed and I about killed him.
Other than that, it makes me feel productive in some way without having to put forth the full effort of working out.
I have been trying to be more reasonable with myself and build up to certain goals. Like I switch my Fitbit daily goal from 10,500 steps to 5,500. 10,500 is awesome and I probably should be doing that, but I have yet to achieve it consistently and I would rather work up to it and give myself good, reachable goals that become indifferent to the goal because it’s too high.

Anyways, I walk up and down the stairs at work and people think I’m weird.

03/09/2017

So, I know that I haven’t written on my blog in a while, but the sad truth of the matter is that I haven’t had much to say.
I have still had conversations with people, but it is again similar to calling your parents and the first thing they ask is what is new?
There is no news.
But this is something I have thought about this weekend and again today. I know it’s something that I have written about on here before, but I have had my blog for 6 years now, so that is bound to happen.

The thought that I have been having mostly revolves around the idea of how people perceive me in that first 7 seconds that they see me.
I had a boss once when I was 16 years old who told me that people make their first impression judgement in the first 7 seconds that they meet you.
I have never taken the time to look up studies to confirm this, but this idea has stuck with me since that boss told me about it.
If I only have 7 seconds in the beginning to make that first impression, which many people say is hard to later get over, what do people in those first few seconds.

These are the two specific questions that come to mind when I think about that perception:

  • Do I look like an adult or a child?
  • Do I look like a girl?

Now, in today’s day and age, or maybe just in the popular media and Tumblr’s world, people supposedly aren’t meant to decide if you are a female or not when they first meet you?
I can’t speak for that, but I can speak for the fact that I want them to clearly see that I am a female.
Why do I sit and wonder about this?
Well, I mostly wear the same things everyday. There have been times, like at the beginning of the year, that I have thought that I should dress cuter or more feminine, but I always end up dressing the same and wanting to wear the same clothes.
I have found that when I do wear different clothes, I am always waiting for when I can change back into the basics that I wear:

  • High Waist Skinny Jeans
  • Plain T-shirt (Usually a mens, sometimes a V-neck)
  • Toms or slip ons (sometimes Tennis shoes)
  • Hoodie (if it’s cold)

That’s all I ever want to wear. I dress up every Sunday or when I am asked to, but that is it for style. And again, when I try to change what I wear, I just think about how much I wish I was wearing the basics again.

Anyways, a couple of days ago I was walking up the stairs of my new job and at the top of the stairs was this man dressed in a suit.
And he looked good. He wasn’t particularly attractive, in case that is what you meant, but he looked snappy.
This is what I was wearing:

 

And when I walked past this man and we said Good Morning, I wondered if he thought I looked like a child.
Did he? We don’t know.

But this is a reoccurring thought of whether I look like an adult female or now.

That’s it.

10/14/2016

So, I have been a bit under the weather the last two weeks.
I even went as far as going to the Urgent Care to find out what the deal was.
They put me on an antibiotics pack, which I later found out that apparently antibiotics make me very light headed. Like I take one and it pretty much walking up some stairs will almost make me pass out.
I know this, because I work on the second floor.

Anyways, one thing I have noticed having this infection and consistently not feeling well is that for one I do not take any illness I have seriously.
I have mentioned this a couple of times before, so I will not go into it again.
The second thing I have noticed is how much people rely on your looks to determine the validity of whether you are sick/afflicted or not. Especially with the men in my life currently.
They were completely thrown.

I realized that it is my make up that throws people off.
I honestly think that I do my make up pretty well and so it really is difficult for people to see in my face that I am not feeling very well.
To illustrate this, I went ahead and took a picture of myself on the day that I was feeling my worst:

imsick

You win germs.

10/06/2016

So, everyone is upset about the clowns.
They are all over the freaking place, scaring people and threatening people. One of these people who are dressing up as clowns is eventually going to get shot and then that will be a whole huge deal as well.
Mass hysteria is so easy now that we have social media.

But I just want to point out that these clowns terrorizing people is not a new situation.
(By the way, does anyone remember the post I did where I analyzed why people are afraid of clowns? I do.)
Does anyone remember Wasco in 2014?

I do, because this was around the time that I was starting a new branch for a company I was working for.
They moved me out to Provo, UT to a new building park and we were the only ones in the building that we were in.
Since this was a new branch, my partner and I were the only ones who were in this building in the early morning. Since it was winter, that meant that it did not get light out until about 8 am.
We had to be in at 7 and often times I would get there between 6:30 to 6:45 am, when it was really dark.
I was in this empty building by myself most mornings for about 30 minutes when they were having reports of clowns walking around random places.
Often times there would be banging in the ceiling and I was convinced they were coming to get me. We found out later that we had a bat problem, but we did not know about this in the beginning.
So, I would usually end up going outside and sitting on the bench in front of the building waiting for my partner to get there instead of trying to brave out this scary situation.

Now, I don’t remember hearing anything about clowns last Halloween. At all.
But now two years later, I am working for a company where once again I start at 7 am and I am by myself for an hour before anyone else shows up.
In an empty building.
And what is happening again?
Clown reports.
Why?
Because the universe hates me.

So, if any of you think that we are getting clown reports because people are messed up and teenagers are dumb, you are mistaken.
We are actually getting clown reports, because I am at my most vulnerable in the early dark mornings.
And this building seems to be making noises as well in the mornings.
Is it all in my head?
I don’t think so.
When I was a little girl and I couldn’t sleep, I would hear things in the house too. My mother would then later on tell me

“Corrie, houses make noises. It’s just settling.”

Settling what?
Not my fears, that’s for dang sure.

Anyways, I am just saying the whole clown thing is not helping me have a good morning each day.

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10/03/2016

So, over the last year and a half or so my goal has been to get out of debt.
I have also been wanting to be better financially, so I worked on different savings/investment account and even started balancing my checkbook as well as doing a budget.

Now, there is occasionally when I am doing all of this, it seems like I am really on top of things.
Like that huge mountain of debt (not that huge, but still more than I could pay off in a year) is going to actually be attacked.
But then there are days like today when I am making my budget for my 5th paycheck and I realize that making a budget just shows me exactly why I am broke.
It isn’t really helping me to be smarter with my money, it’s really just showing me exactly why I am broke.

For example, random unexpected charges.
Like my gym’s annual fee which is 2x my monthly fee, meaning I am going to be paying my gym payment 3 times this month.
Or Amazon randomly charging me for something that I did not buy, thus over drafting my account.
They did issue a refund, but now I have a nice $35 fee slapped onto me.

I don’t really spend a lot on excess. I really try to be frugal, especially now that I see where all of my money goes.
But in a lot of ways I wish I didn’t know.
Like I wish I could just throw up my hands like “I don’t know where all my money goes!”
Instead I know exactly where it goes and that there is simply a lack of funds currently in my life.

Budgeting is just one of those things that will get better once you do it more and as I slowly pay off my debts, there will be more money.
However, right now I feel like every few weeks I should just create a budget and write “YOU’RE POOR” across it and call it good.
Except once you get in a habit, you cannot stop.

Anyways…

mo-money-mo-problems

09/05/2016 – 63 Years!

So, today marks the 63rd wedding anniversary of Rue (my grandfather I live with) to his wife.
Anytime I bring up my grandmother, people are always shocked to hear that she is still alive since I don’t talk about her as much and since Rue and I live alone together.
She is actually in a home since she has Alzheimer’s for the past 15 years.
She is in the final mental stages where she cannot really talk outside of saying “Hello” occasionally and she cannot take care of herself.
Because of this, we have her in a home and Rue uses his motorized wheelchair twice a day to go each lunch and dinner with her.

He had me pick up some flowers for her, which I arranged into a bouquet, and then I made cake bites, because a full cake would be hard for her to eat.
Then today when we were going at lunch, which he celebrated the anniversary at lunch time with her because he didn’t want to mess up her nightly bedtime ritual, he left early so he could make sure that the women at the home put her make up on that day.

“She would have been wanting to wear her make up.”

Okay, Rue isn’t the greatest man in the world. In fact, homeboy is a pretty mean old cuss.
However, living with Rue I have heard him talk about how much her loves her so many times.
The other night he mentioned to me how upset he was that he could only use one arm and was wheelchair bound? Why specifically did he bring it up?
He said he couldn’t hold his wife, he could only rub her back and pet her hair and that was rough for him.

63 years and he is just as devoted to her as he has always been.
His whole day revolves around her still.
It’s not the Notebook, but it sure as hell is some sort of romantic.

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