So, I am going to go off on a bit of a rant here that I had to stop reading my textbook to go on. Starting now:

One of the things that is beat into your head when you are doing a slightly scientific major, which I consider Psychology as a slightly scientific major, in college is the scientific method of research.

A big part of the scientific method of research is that scientists will not research or study something that they cannot prove or disprove. Meaning, if we cannot prove that our theory/hypothesis on something is true and we cannot disprove it, we aren’t going to waste our time with it.
….except when it comes to God and religion.

“People return to religion … not as an act of faith but in order to escape an intolerable doubt…they make this decision not out of devotion but in search of security” – Erich Fromm

Okay, I am very religious.
If you have read my blog for more than a few posts, you will have noticed this about me. I am religious, it shapes most of my life, and it is something that I completely live by.
That being said, I am not trying to shove it down anyone’s throat or force anyone to be a part of my religion. I am into it, it’s okay if you are not.

However, I have heard many times in the news and in my life, scientists and people in the scientific community try to “justify” or explain the reasons why people should not be religious. Or even farther, that there is not a God.
They are entitled to their belief, but now after going through multiple classes on the scientific method of research, you are only entitled to that belief as a person.
Not as a scientist who would have to provide some form of evidence in order for it to be accepted by the community.
You, as a person only, feel that atheism is the only correct way.

Freud, the “founder of psychology” (who I just talked about having difficulties with, said this about religion:

“that to anyone with a friendly attitude to humanity it is painful
to think that the great majority of mortals will never be able to rise above this
view of life”

Why is it that a way of living, that has not been proven wrong by science, is something that needs to be risen above?
And it’s even more comical of a statement coming from the man whose theory on life is there is only sex and death.
So, rise above religion as a view on life so you can only see sex and death too?

I just wrote this, because I get frustrated with hearing scientists say that religion is bad and yet they can’t even prove its validity.
In fact, trying to even prove its validity goes against the core research tactics.
So…stop please. Or at least preface your statements on religion with the fact that your statements are not as a scientist or a psychologist, but are your personal opinions.

/Rant Over



So, I definitely want to do more of those videos, because the ongoing search for hobbies is still very real and it killed about 20 minutes that night. Plus, it’s a way to keep my blog updated that is only slightly easier than writing a post. I do intend to continue to do both.

Anyways, today I wrote these thoughts in my spiritual journal (which I normally don’t record full entries in,  more just short thoughts or quotes heard in church) and I thought I should write it out on here, because this is the closest thing I have to an actual journal.

I was listening in church (the LDS church) to the talks that were being given today and a lady was talking about her conversion to our church and how she had wondered about who she was and where she came from and that finally she felt she knew those answers. She said finding out about the Gospel felt more like remembering than learning something new.

I realized then how lucky I have been that I have never wondered about those questions that people often worry about. Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going after I die?

See, I was born and raised in the Gospel and so I had been taught those things since I was a little child. And even at the times where I thought I didn’t believe in the teachings of my church anymore, I never wondered about those questions, because I feel deep down I always still knew the answers to who I was and where I was going. 

I wrote in my spiritual journal today:

I’ve wandered, but I’ve never wondered.

And I feel that is pretty true. I know what my purpose is through the Gospel. To serve others and to serve God. And I know where I am going and why I was put here.

So, today I felt very grateful that I had never had to go through the trial of wondering those major questions. That makes me lucky, which is a pretty cool realization to have randomly. It makes me feel very loved.

Anyways, you can’t see me smiling right now.

My heart hurts.

So, this morning I was in the process of writing a different blog post when I had an interesting and actually very disheartening conversation.

This morning I reached out via Facebook to an acquaintance of mine who is going through a divorce, which is something we have talked about before, just to see how he was doing.
I just wanted to reach out and lend support to let him know that I was thinking of him and people are there for him.
He started to tell me how things were difficult because some of his friends had sided with her and then he noticed that some of her friends had sided with him.
He said he was not sure who to trust at this point.

I think those are all fair thoughts.
But then he told me the reason his friends sided with her was she was white and he was African-American.
This is where things got…sad for me.
I simply said (Quote):

“I don’t know if it’s about race…people unfortunately feel they have to take sides in a divorce. Either way, I’m very sorry.”

He then went on to tell me that I couldn’t understand because I was white and it wasn’t anything personal against me, but I just wouldn’t understand.

…This was a huge blow.
My heart just dropped in my chest when I read it.

This has stuck in my head all day and I was worried writing about it on here, because no matter what I say, by society’s standards I am in the wrong and have no right to be sad about what happened at all.
But I am.

See after he said that to me, I just simply told him he had made me uncomfortable and it sounded like I wasn’t the right person to talk to.
He told me I couldn’t understand what he was going through.

What made me so sad about this situation was that it didn’t have to be about race.
Perspective is everything and I understand that.
However, that conversation we were having wasn’t about that and now instead of me being a friend to him and able to talk to him, I feel alienated and sad about the state of affairs between us.

I hear about this divide every single day and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Especially having someone directly throw it at me in a situation that does not seem related.
I don’t see him as just a African-American, just as I would hope he wouldn’t see me as just White.
But everyone is so concerned about a divide being created between people due to unimportant differences that people are creating that divide.
At least in this instance and many that I see.

I am not saying that racism isn’t real or that these things don’t exist.
What I am saying is that it doesn’t have to be everywhere. It doesn’t have to be here.
This man and I could have been friends. I never thought about him as just a, in his words, “person of color”. Nor did I ever think that had anything to do with his current struggles.
But now I do feel he only sees me as a white person, which hurts because stereotypes hurt.

My sister has a friend at work who brings it up frequently that he is an African-American and she is not.
I know how often he brings it up, because she texts me when it happens feeling the same sadness I felt in my conversation.

I saw this video awhile back (it’s obviously old):

“How are we going to get rid of racism?”
“Stop talking about it! I’m going to stop calling you a ‘white man’ and I’m gonna ask you to stop calling me a ‘black man'”

This is truly how I feel.
I also wholeheartedly agree with another quote from Morgan Freeman about racism:

“If you talk about it, it exists.”

It doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s stop talking about it in these instances. Let’s stop bringing it up in unrelated personal conversations. Or in our workspace just because someone is of a different race than us.

If you have followed my blog, you know I am very devote religious. (LDS to be specific)
And when someone goes to a LDS temple it is required that we all wear white and very similar outfits.
It’s done this way to signify that “God is not a respecter of persons”.
Wealth, race, career…none of this matters to God. We are all on the same level.
He sees us all the same and as his children and we don’t have to talk about those things that can divide us (if we let them) there, because we are all the same.
That is how I try to see people and how I feel.
I’m absolutely, 100% no better than anyone else and when a situation gets brought up where someone feels that I think I am for whatever reason, it hurts.

This is a controversial post and I get that.
I really went back and forth on whether to write it, but then my friend told me that I should because blogging/journal-ling is a “good way to keep a record”.
That is why I wrote this post, because I would want my children to know how I felt about this.
That I never saw anyone differently and when I hear of those filters being placed in any instance, it hurts me.
But I also want anyone who reads this to know that I did not write this lightly.
In fact, I already know I will have to disable the comments and walk away from computers for a minute after pressing “Post” because I am nervous.
But nervousness should never be a reason to stop yourself from speaking what you feel and believe.

So, here we go.

You’ve changed…

Recently I have gone through some changes.
Mostly I decided to go back to church, which wasn’t really a change in my mind.
You see, I used to be very religious and then I stopped.
So, in my mind it is not really a change, but rather returning to who I am. I was very religious when I was younger and all through my teenage years, but it wasn’t til I was 20ish that I decided I wasn’t about that anymore.
The problem with making such a huge decision like which completely changes you life and outlook, you have to really “prove” to other people who you are serious.
For example, I remember going through my blog and making any post about God private, because I was not about that anymore.
I remember saying some really harsh things about people who believe in God.

Well, two years later, you end up wanting to return to things that you once knew. You look at your life and try to find what originally made you happy.
And God has always made me happy.
But its not just happiness, I started to wonder who I was and what did I stand for?
I realized that I didn’t stand for anything. I remember watching a movie with my parents and watching these young men declare their love for God and I thinking “Man, I wish I stood for something like that.”
That’s when I remembered how I used to be and returned to it.
And I am really glad that I did.

It does leave a bit of an awkward situation.
For my parents and for people who have known me awhile, it’s no surprise that I went back to church. I used to love it so much, it was just more natural for them to see me go back.
In fact, I think a lot of them were relieved.
However, a lot of people who haven’t known me more than 2 years are a bit uncomfortable with it. I have a good friend at work who straight up pointed out to me that I had said some hard things about God and now to hear me talk about Him is just odd to her.
I have another friend who simply cannot accept it. It just doesn’t work for him that I changed so much.
But again, for me it’s not a change, it’s returning.

Anyways, now I am left with this mess. Especially on my blog.
Like I said, I remember marking all posts that talked about God private. And I have tried so hard to keep my blog so unbiased.
But this is a big part of my life. I don’t want to hide it from my friends that may not have known me long enough.
And how can I keep my blog honest to my feelings if I try to hide this huge part of me.

So, it’s going to be uncomfortable.
But I have changed and that’s it.

May 21st 2011 aka “Doomsday” or “Judgement Day”

So apparently we are all going to die tomorrow. Apparently tomorrow is “Judgement Day” and our own true story remake of 2012.
All I can do is shake my head at this.

What is wrong with our society where we have to keep making up apocalyptic dates for ourselves, just to keep life interesting? I also wonder if Atheist just make up these dates so that afterwards they can say “SEE! THERE IS NO GOD!” Calm down.

So why is tomorrow suddenly Dooms Day? Mostly this guy:

He basically decided that tomorrow is Doomsday and spent his entire life savings, $140,000, trying to get the word out. Now everyone is whispering about it, just because he says so.

Am I the only one who remembers last year when they were going to do a bunch of risky science procedures and we thought it was going to be the end of the world? So a bunch of people killed themselves and suddenly we are still here? Uhhhmm.

So why does Harold Camping think tomorrow is the end of days. Two reasons, number one being:

Genesis 7:4, when God said to Noah: “Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.”
When God referred to seven days, he meant both seven days and seven thousand years, because “one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” The flood occurred in 4990 BC. Seven thousand years later is 2011. From GodlikeProductions.com

If the flood did in fact happen, I didn’t know they had an actual date for that, at least I’ve never heard of one. Where is Harold getting these dates? Besides, wouldn’t 7000 years past 4990 BC be 2010? Which math classes did he attend?
The second reason, making it even more less credible, would be this:

The second proof looks at the significance of the number of days between the Crucifixion and May 21, 2011.
There are 722,500 days between these dates. 722,500 is a significant number because it is composed of the significant numbers 5x10x17x5x10x17. Five signifies redemption; ten signifies completion; and 17 signifies heaven. The numbers represent the day of redemption (5) and the Christian era (10) and the ascent to heaven (17) –and these factors are doubled for added significance From GodlikeProductions.com

Wow, yeah totally. 5x10x17x5x10x17 make perfect sense to me now. We are definitely going to die tomorrow. I’m so glad he brough that up, because I didn’t want to say it. 5x10x17x5x10x17, of course.

That’s a load of rubbish. 5x10x17x5x10x17? That’s gibberish. It’s a stupid math equation. And what the phrase “and these factors are doubled for added significance” means to me is that they tried working this equation the first time and we didn’t die, so they doubled it to see if we would die the second time. I mean, I could take 3 random numbers too, give them a supposed meaning, multiply and double them and then say that number of days since a certain date is Doomsday. There is no basis for that one.

Now Harold is saying that tomorrow is just the beginning of a 6 month period of Doomsday. The world will completely end on October 21, 2011. Well, where is his equation of that one? I just think that is him saying that if it doesn’t happen tomorrow, he has 6  months to still profess these things and have attention on him. He is covering his tracks.
And don’t worry, if we don’t die by October 21, 2011 LUCKILY next year is 2012 and we can look forward to that one. Honestly, do we just have some death complex nowadays?

I wonder if Harold Camping is a gypsy or a fortune-teller. Otherwise I don’t believe a word he says.