03/30/2017

One thing I have been doing lately when I go to blog is actually changing the names of my older posts to be the date it was written instead of whatever clever title I decided to come up with at the time.
My thought process behind this is that those days only occurred once and having a blog for 6 years now it has become more of a record of where I have been and my thoughts as a person, as opposed to me trying to be clever or entertain someone with a title.

Anyways, it is funny to go back in time and be looking at these blog posts that I was writing back in February of 2011.
First of all, I was a lot more eager to write on my blog back then than I was now. I remember when I first started it up I had so many thoughts I wanted to write on the blog that I was actually trying not to post too many times in one day.
As I am re-naming my posts, I am seeing days where I posted 3 times in a day!
I don’t know if we can chalk that up to eager, late teenage enthusiasm or just that now I am busier, but these days I am always thinking about things for my blog and then they never quite make it over to it.
We are looking at a post every 3 weeks if we are lucky.

But the other thing that really struck me was finding this post that I wrote back on 02/18/2011.
6 days after my 19th birthday, which is so crazy that here 6 years, 1 month, and 12 days (I did use a calculator for that) I would still be blogging.
Anyways, in that post I am talking about changing a CD in a rented truck in the middle of the night.
I remember that night and seeing that other car while I was trying to change the CD. I can’t remember why I was out in the middle of the night, but I do remember sitting there trying to change out the CD.

The thing is that now I don’t even stay out that late. In fact, I get tired at 8 o’clock and am usually in bed by 11 at the latest.
There are no midnight CD changing runs now.
I have gotten older and it’s crazy to look back and see that.

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10/14/2016

So, I have been a bit under the weather the last two weeks.
I even went as far as going to the Urgent Care to find out what the deal was.
They put me on an antibiotics pack, which I later found out that apparently antibiotics make me very light headed. Like I take one and it pretty much walking up some stairs will almost make me pass out.
I know this, because I work on the second floor.

Anyways, one thing I have noticed having this infection and consistently not feeling well is that for one I do not take any illness I have seriously.
I have mentioned this a couple of times before, so I will not go into it again.
The second thing I have noticed is how much people rely on your looks to determine the validity of whether you are sick/afflicted or not. Especially with the men in my life currently.
They were completely thrown.

I realized that it is my make up that throws people off.
I honestly think that I do my make up pretty well and so it really is difficult for people to see in my face that I am not feeling very well.
To illustrate this, I went ahead and took a picture of myself on the day that I was feeling my worst:

imsick

You win germs.

The Old Man and I

I live with my grandfather.
I have made a few posts recently that have shown a little bit what our lives together is like. A lot of them show us being generally snarky to each other, which is pretty much the basis of all of our conversations.
My grandfather is very sarcastic and has a very dry sense of humor. He also likes to tease a lot, to the point that most of what comes out of his mouth is him teasing me.
Luckily I worked in automotive for the past year and if you are going to work in that industry, you have to roll with the punches. My old boss would introduce me at parties/meetings as the “Corporate Pain in the Ass”. He also told me once that I would probably never find love because of my personality.
And how did I respond to those comments?
You throw it back. Top it if you can.
And none of us ever got offended, because we knew that it was said in affection and jest. It wasn’t really meant to hurt the other person.
We also were in positions where we would have to do deal with people saying really mean things to us and so in a way it prepared us for the real deal.

Fast forward to living with my grandfather, who I didn’t really know very well when I was younger.
He was around a lot of the time, but he didn’t really get on well with kids so it was hard to talk to him.
Today he tells me that he gets along better with “kids” in their twenties. I would agree (except about the kids part) since now he is a very easy person to talk to and he is very fun to banter with.
Well, here is an example of some of that banter that I posted on Instagram from last night:

rutext

So, he is in a wheelchair.
Not paralyzed, but just can’t use the right side of his body and I feel a lot of people look at that and immediately feel sorry for him.
They see him in his wheelchair, that he is 85 and immediately start to judge these sorts of interactions.
This post I made on Instagram got a response from my cousin commenting

#PoorGuy

I just rolled my eyes.
He is not a poor guy. When I got there to pick him up he said “About time you showed up”.
He was obviously super upset about the text.

But people don’t understand that sort of relationship I have found.
They will look at us shocked or even say something to me about it and he eats it up. A lot of times he will be smiling at me when they are saying something.

(Seen Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj_tlHqnWj0)

The “something nice” he said in that video was “Good For You” when I told him that I had gotten him a Pepsi from the store.
….Yeah, homeboy gives as good as he gets.
My aunt actually apologized to me that he is so “mean to me” a couple of weeks ago.
And yet, we are both fine.

Last night we went to Cafe Rio together and as we were leaving he told me to take our leftovers out to the car and he would roll himself out to the side-walk while I did it.
So, I was holding the door open for him and he was having trouble getting through the doorway.
This lady came running up to him asking him if he needed any help and he just kept trying to get through the doorway on his own without answering her.
She then looked at me as if I was going to answer for him.
I just said:

“He needs to learn to do it on his own.”

She gave me the most horrified look ever and then looked at me like I was the worst person in the world.
She missed him just rolling his eyes at me and then said “Well, I think you’re doing a great job.” to him.

I don’t expect everyone to understand the relationship that my grandfather and I have.
They see the snarky comments and the back and forth, but they don’t see the affection that happens between us, because it’s mostly through acts that happen when no one is around.
Like the other night he had an accident in his chair and I ended up cleaning it up and I couldn’t help but think that there was no way I didn’t love him when I was doing it.
Or the other night when I wasn’t feeling good and fell asleep on the couch, I woke up at 2 am to find him fixing the blanket on me.
He got embarrassed when he saw me awake and quickly said:

“It wasn’t fully covering your feet!”

And rolled away.
The same man who 5 hours earlier when I told him I still wasn’t feeling good told me:

“You know, we shoot sick horses.”

Just the kind of comment we both expected.

the old and I

Dear Diary/Blog

I normally don’t address you as “diary”, but I thought I would change it up. In fact, addressing my blog as diary was what gave me enough push to post on here currently.
Maybe someone has noticed, but I haven’t posted on here in a minute and I have felt guilty about that.
I just haven’t had much to say until I got to call my blog diary?
I don’t keep a real diary. I have found in the past when I sit and talk about my days later on I would go back and tear pages out, because I would read it and think I sounded like an idiot.

“I’m in love with (past boy name) and he hasn’t responded to me in 48 hours.”

Who cares, Corrie? Not that boy and even 6 months later you don’t even care.

My blog has been exempt from that since on here I mostly talk about my feelings and perspective on the world or small instances that happen. There are no specifics and there is nothing to feel embarrassed about later on.
To date, I have only gone back and deleted or marked private about 3 posts, whereas, in past journals I have gone back and tore out half of the journal before finally throwing it away.
It turns out that my blog and spiritual journals are the only things I can write about in my personal life.

Anyways, it is hard to write on my blog when there really isn’t anything happening right now.
I mean, I moved in with my grandfather and got a job and that’s it.
Nothing else has really happened besides snarky conversations and a lot of Hallmark movies he watches while I sleep on the couch.
(The beauty of that sentence is you can’t tell which person is 85 and which one isn’t.)

However, I do find myself doing things that are different from what I normally would do by myself and if someone outside the situation asked, it seems like we are really busy.
Like my dad called my grandpa (his dad) tonight and asked what we were doing, the response was:

“We are taking apart this lamp to see what is wrong with it.”

It sounds like we are killing it and engineer/mechanics.
But in reality we were trying to change the bulb, so we unscrewed the stand and it looked like one of the wires had snapped. Then we took the whole thing apart and then threw it away.
We learned nothing.

Recently someone asked me how I was doing and I responded “fine” and they got all up in a knot about it.
But I am just fine. I’m not skipping down the road, but my shoulders aren’t slumped either.
Sometimes things are just fine and it’s not negative, it just is.

So, Diary/Blog, if any of you have something you would like me to talk about, please feel free to let me know.
But until then, I am still here.
Doing just fine.

Business Conversations

Okay, do you ever listen to yourself talk? Like objectively think about what you are saying as you are saying it and how it might sound to someone else or even yourself if someone else had said it to you instead?
I mention a lot that I try to think objectively about things and remove myself from the situation and obviously by me bringing up that scenario it is something that I do.

TheOfficeTuneMyselfOut

I have also mentioned before that I never fully feel like I have become an adult when I am in the moment. I have to remove myself from a situation or look at my life detached to see how adult I am. This includes listening to the things I say and thinking “Wow, that was really adult like to say. This person really knows what they are talking about.”

Which I usually do know what I am talking about or I am willing to break down and learn. But if I sit and listen to myself in meetings with people at my company and the conversations I have, I sound pretty freaking adult.
It’s mind-boggling to my inner child the meetings I find myself in and the people I end up training on a weekly basis.
Or just even the amount of responsibility I handle consistently without thinking about it.
I can recite facts, statistics, technical processes by memory. I can design extremely lucrative marketing processes and discuss them with very talented business people on a daily basis.
Alright, Corrie Kartchner!
(Said in third person because I have removed myself from the situation. I am not a tool.)

But then…

Recently in the last few days I was working with a director at my work to get his Internet running since our IT person was at one of our other stores.
This director does not work well with computers outside what he does with them in his field, so I was walking back and forth with him from different locations trying to find the best vantage point where he could pick up our internal network.
Finally I got him situated in a spot, but it would only work by him plugging into the wall. (I would have said Ethernet, but who cares?)
Then he says to me:

I think the best solution going forward is for me to get a jet pack.

My response was “I agree. That’s perfect.”
He continued to tell me all the reasons why this jet pack would fix our internet problems for him.
But it wasn’t until later  he mention that a JetPack is a name of a mobile hotspot device.

I had an entire conversation with a director at my work trying to resolve a real issue for him where I thought we were discussing how jet packs could solve our business-related problems.
And the conversation fit both of what we thought we were talking about for longer than I would like to admit.

So, it’s like I am an adult, but…

Three Day Weekends

So, am I the only one who feels like three-day weekends are just a little too long?
I know when I was younger and in school I thought three-day weekends were the best thing it the world.
But then I grew up and became super lame and decided to live alone. So, three-day weekends are just way too much time for me.

When you stay at home for too long, you end up doing things that are out of character for you. Like I finally joined Hulu when everyone knows Netflix is better.
And before anyone even tries to argue with me, Hulu has commercials.
I’ll take you a step further Hulu plays workout commercials.
What is this? Fit people binge watching? No. It would never work out.
And why do they play their own commercials? That means I would have to pay to see their commercials.
Why do they need to promote themselves when I already paid? What am I going to pay for it twice?

Do you see the amount of time I have had to think about this? I also ended up putting away my Christmas and Halloween clothes/decorations.
I also think my room makes me look like a crazy hoarder person since I never unpacked my suitcase and I have minimal furniture.

I was so bored this weekend that I went in to work today for 3 hours. Then I went to Costco, which anyone who has read this blog for more than two days knows that I am not a huge fan of Costco.

The point is, I am sure that you have seen this particular quote floating around the interwebs:

DontGrowUp

I would like to validate this quote.

Sometimes you grow and you become super good at your job and then you get asked to start a new branch for your work.
You move to another state to start that branch and you hate it so much.
Then you get recruited by another company and move to another state to work for them.
This literally happens everyday to most adults I know.

Long story short, I live in place that I have only lived 6 months and my favorite hobby is reading.
You become an adult and a nerd who doesn’t like three-day weekends because they remind you how badly you need to clean your room.

I forget where I was going with this post, but it is important to document these things so that the internet and my possible future children know these things about my life. That I was a single woman who was a successful worker who ruins long weekends.
It’s just two-day weekends are so great. Saturdays are for errands and then Sundays are for church.

I hope this post answered some of your questions about adults and Hulu.

3 hours and 41 minutes.

So, this past weekend I was at my grandparent’s house in St. George just hanging out and helping them run errands. Nothing really special, although I may talk about it more later.

Anyways, St. George is 3 hours and 41 minutes away from Provo where I live. So, I just barely got home after making that long of a car ride by myself. Normally I will listen to some books or something to distract myself, because songs are only a 3 minute distraction, but tonight as I was making this drive, I was thinking about my life and whether I am happy.

Recently I was browsing online (I do that sometimes) and I found a quote that said 

“If your life were a book, would anyone want to read it?”

This was the basis of what I was contemplating the ride home. Would someone want do read my life book?

I’m not fully sure, I don’t see why they wouldn’t. Would it be a best seller? Maybe not, but I do think a few people would read it, just like a few people read my blog. I mean, if people like watching Indie movies where there is less of a plot and more just watching people interact, they would like my life book.

But then I started to wonder if I was happy with the book that is being written about me. This is something that I have been wondering a lot lately, since I’m running around making a ton of life altering decisions, like moving to Provo, but at the same time it can feel like I am just doing the same thing over and over again each day. Then it makes you wonder if your goals are ones that will make you happy.

I, of course, learned nothing in over thinking this for 3 hours and 41 minutes, but I did remember that while I was at my grandparents house, there were a few times where I realized that I was ready to go home and that normally doesn’t happen unless there are things you are ready to see again. Which implies a certain sense of happiness with some situations.

Maybe that’s all you can ask for sometimes. 

(There is a song which you can listen to here. Mango Tree by Angus & Julia Stone)

I might have been drugged…

Last night I was at this weird party. (Famous last words?)
You see I go with my sister to some of her church activities sometimes. And through doing this I have of course met a few people.
One of these people would be that of the host of this party.
He is a really weird guy who is very hard to talk to, but apparently really likes me as a person. Plus he is such a nice guy that I should just go to his party.
Or at least this is what my sister told me when trying to convince me after I said no.

Let me just paint a picture of what this party was like. There were only around 12 people there, including my sister and I.
When I walked in Space Oddity was playing. The walls are covered in psychedelic beaded….art? Except for a picture of a Mexican Jesus by the door.
Which is confusing, since they are all white. The mother of this man was wearing, I kid you not, bell bottoms.
The topics of conversation at this party ranged from what your spirit animal is to villainous corporate CEOs and making fun of modern consumerism…
One girl was telling me about how she is a jazz musician and taking an “Jazz Oral Skills” class.
Another just sat in the corner playing an accordion and staring at me very intensely.
At another point someone walked up to me and handed me an Asian looking metal bowl with a brown thick stick that I was supposed to make noise with it.
She ask me:

Have you ever felt the power of a singing bowl?

No?

About twenties minutes into this party I literally sat and thought

What is the most existential thing I can say to these people?

Just so I could fit in and not seem like that antisocial person who sits at the back of the party eating their weird health snacks.
So I just brought up different psychological states of mind…It was all I could think of!
Well, ten minutes after that someone approached me and said:

I feel like you’re one step ahead of all of us. Like you have it all figured out.

Then they just stared at me like they wanted me to confirm this. But I really I was mostly just thinking “Where the hell am I?”

Anyways, at around 10:30 I remember I started rubbing my eyes really, really hard. Like out of no where I felt like I was going to exhaustion, but it wasn’t like a normal exhaustion. It was like an irritation and my brain was shutting down.
I remember standing up and all off a sudden I was nodding off. Out of nowhere.

Then when I was driving home (Yes, I did drive myself home. Just because I’m out of it doesn’t mean I’ll let someone else drive my car. Death first.) as I was driving home, the world was a blur.
It was like everything was dancing and vibrating around.
And I kept feeling my brain shut down again.
My sister just thought I was tired, but the thing is there is no reason for me to reach that kind of exhaustion when I sleep 6 hours every night and don’t have a strenuous job.
When I finally got home and looked in the mirror, my eyes were practically glowing red. I have never seen my eyes so bloodshot before.
Then this morning when I woke up, I felt like crap. I felt like I had the worst kind of hang over there is. It literally felt like i was hung over. All day my head felt horrible.

It was during this hangover time that it first came in my head that I was possibly drugged. But I kept dismissing it.
I mean, it’s not like I was at some sleazy bar. No, I was at someone’s house that goes to my sisters church.
I mean, church people have good solid morals. They don’t even drink, let alone drug young girls.
Right?

But then I realized that there was only one person at that party besides my sister and I that I know very well.
Everyone else was just an acquaintance and I was assuming they were a certain way based on one small fact about them.
And that I put a lot of trust into people that I do not know very intimately.

Not to say that I won’t trust people anymore, but it was just an eye opening experience.
I probably will not know what happened last night or why someone drugged me.

But yeah…

Things the Dentist says to me.

I went and saw my family dentist the other day. He is Asian and he calls me sweetie. Weird.

Anyways, he likes to talk a lot and because the dentist makes me nervous I end up talking a lot as well. Even with his hands in my mouth. And of  course he kept saying things I didn’t understand, so how was I not supposed to question him?

Well, finally he started to say stuff to me. Like when they stuck the thing that sucks out all of your spit in my mouth, I couldn’t help but feel like it was sucking out my soul. So I started laughing, because having your soul sucked out feels funny.
Well he starts saying “Why are you laughing? We haven’t even gassed you yet.”  And I thought he was Asian, not German.

When he was done, he said to me “You’re family is full of good people. They don’t give me any trouble. They just sit there or listen to music or even fall asleep. They are good patients…except you.”

Apparently a good dental patient doesn’t say anything or ask questions. They usually just sit there. Dangit.