04/21/2017

So, last night I was talking to this guy who happens to be interested in psychology as well and get this…he is actually going to use his psychology degree!
Crazy.
Didn’t tell him that I am farce who just studies psychology cause it’s interesting and not because I have any intention of using it as a career.

Anyways, we were talking about how to stay positive and happy with yourself.
I sent him the following video:

I actually read that guy’s book and didn’t even know he did a Ted Talk til recently, but I like the Ted Talk, because he is going to be way more direct in 12 minutes than 200+ pages.
Anyways, a little while back I started to do the suggestions in that video of writing down three things you are grateful for and journaling one positive thing that happened to you, but I only made it a few days.
He suggests 21 and now that I am thinking about it, I want to try that again because I have been kind of down, particularly yesterday, and since my blog is my journal, everyone else gets to join in on this.

  1. I am grateful for my knowledge of God and His plan of happiness.
  2. I am grateful for the Atonement and that I can repent of my sins. There is nothing better than the ability to feel clean again and removed of guilt.
  3. I am grateful that I can pray and feel close to my Heavenly Father

I feel like those are easy ones to be grateful for and probably similar to what anyone (at least who is religious) would say.
But I want to say them first, because they are the most important.

And the one positive thing that I want to write about that happened yesterday was that I feeling sick and had to come home early from work.
I was laying in bed feeling awful and frankly depressed as well. (I find not feeling well seems to be a big player in my mental state)
And I called our golden retriever to come lay with me and he is still a puppy so he is very busy.
Every 30 seconds he would try to find a new position to lay in instead of just laying down next to me.
Anyways, I just ended up laying in bed laughing with him, because he is such a wiggle worm.
It’s not what you would expect to be a positive experience, but he just makes me happy.

Just a reference picture for you.

 

04/06/2017

You should budget, they all said.
You should keep a close eye on your money, they all said.
Read Gordon Ramsey’s book, they all said.

I mean, this is something that has been said to almost every person as soon as they get a bank account. Not necessarily Gordon Ramsey, but the other terms are pretty common. My bank is emailing me about them all the time.

“Meet with one of our Bankers today! Overhaul your finances!”

I tried doing that once and it turned out that they could not help me with anything, because I didn’t have nice enough credit.
…which would mean I need a financial overhaul?
Anyway, who cares.

It wasn’t until about a year ago that I started to really work on budgeting and balancing my checkbook using Excel.
It was something that the CFO of my old company used to have me do sometimes when she was too busy and then I though “Maybe I should do this in my own life.”
And so I started to and it did really help with budgeting and keeping track of how much money I have.
Better than any budgeting app that I have ever used.
My sister and brother-in-law make fun of me whenever I saw that I am going to balance my checkbook, but that’s okay. I don’t mind if I seem like a grandma.

However, the one downside to doing it this way is that a lot of times I will sit and look at my checkbook and budget for long periods of time.
I think this is similar to when you go to the fridge and just stare in it hoping to find something that you did not see before.
Since I am trying to get out of debt and have some big things I am saving for, I will just stare at my budget and checkbook for hours, looking over the different lines in it like I am suddenly going to see any money that I have missed in the previous hours.
This usually happens when I am at work doing something else like talking to a customer on the phone and I will be helping them, but looking at my budget.

I have taken a few steps back in my career, so I am definitely not going to suddenly find a bunch of money in my budget.
Even if I work an hour of overtime, by the time taxes are taken out, I will have like $5 more than I would have before.
But at the same time, I suppose it is not as bad as my coworkers who talk about video games for 8 hours a day, every single day.

Pick your poison.

03/24/2017

I have been working at a new job in Draper for about 6 weeks now and it is actually one that I think I would be okay staying at for a long while.
I may die at this job and that’s okay.
I don’t necessarily fit in, but that’s okay too.

I don’t work out and this company has a full, huge gym in the building.
But one thing that I do while at work that just seems to baffle everyone is I like to walk up and down the stairs. My work has 4 floors and 6 flights of stairs and I try to go and walk up and down those stairs a few times a day.
Right now my goal is 5 times a day, because I have watched my Fitbit and one time up and down is 250 steps. So, if I were to go up and down 5 times in a day, it would be a 1000 steps. Which is a nice portion when you have a Fitbit. Also, I read online that walking up 3 flights of stairs burns 15 calories, so if I were to do it 5 times a day, I would have burned 150 extra calories without working out or putting on special shoes. In fact, it only takes me about 3 and a half minutes to walk up and down the stairs one time.
So far I have only been able to fit in doing it 4 times a day, but that still is 120 calories and pretty good in my opinion.
My goal would be to work up to being able to walk up and down the stairs twice in a row, which if I could do that 5 times a day, it would end up being 300 calories.

It is a bit lost on my coworkers though and the other people who work in this building.
There have been a couple of times when I have been walking up and down the stairs and someone will hold the door for me on a particular level. Sometimes I will be polite and go through the door and then wait til they walk away to go back to the stairwell.
Most of the time I will just smile and tell them it’s not might floor. I’ve had a couple of people look at me like I am the most weird person and say:

So, you’re just walking up and down the stairs?

Yep. I am that weird.
I walk up and down the stairs.
There have been a couple other times where it feels a little uncomfortable, like when I walk up to my desk afterwards all out of breath and it seems like I got that way from just two flights of stairs to the second floor.
Or I just imagine the people walking past seeing this chubby, out of breath girl trying to smile at them as she walks up the stairs.
Oh Well.
I usually don’t get crazy out of breath until I am on the last flight, funnily enough.

I have actually seen some benefit to this already in that my legs have been killing my all week just from walking up and down the stairs. The other night our puppy kept running over my calves when I was kneeling next to the bed and I about killed him.
Other than that, it makes me feel productive in some way without having to put forth the full effort of working out.
I have been trying to be more reasonable with myself and build up to certain goals. Like I switch my Fitbit daily goal from 10,500 steps to 5,500. 10,500 is awesome and I probably should be doing that, but I have yet to achieve it consistently and I would rather work up to it and give myself good, reachable goals that become indifferent to the goal because it’s too high.

Anyways, I walk up and down the stairs at work and people think I’m weird.

03/09/2017

So, I know that I haven’t written on my blog in a while, but the sad truth of the matter is that I haven’t had much to say.
I have still had conversations with people, but it is again similar to calling your parents and the first thing they ask is what is new?
There is no news.
But this is something I have thought about this weekend and again today. I know it’s something that I have written about on here before, but I have had my blog for 6 years now, so that is bound to happen.

The thought that I have been having mostly revolves around the idea of how people perceive me in that first 7 seconds that they see me.
I had a boss once when I was 16 years old who told me that people make their first impression judgement in the first 7 seconds that they meet you.
I have never taken the time to look up studies to confirm this, but this idea has stuck with me since that boss told me about it.
If I only have 7 seconds in the beginning to make that first impression, which many people say is hard to later get over, what do people in those first few seconds.

These are the two specific questions that come to mind when I think about that perception:

  • Do I look like an adult or a child?
  • Do I look like a girl?

Now, in today’s day and age, or maybe just in the popular media and Tumblr’s world, people supposedly aren’t meant to decide if you are a female or not when they first meet you?
I can’t speak for that, but I can speak for the fact that I want them to clearly see that I am a female.
Why do I sit and wonder about this?
Well, I mostly wear the same things everyday. There have been times, like at the beginning of the year, that I have thought that I should dress cuter or more feminine, but I always end up dressing the same and wanting to wear the same clothes.
I have found that when I do wear different clothes, I am always waiting for when I can change back into the basics that I wear:

  • High Waist Skinny Jeans
  • Plain T-shirt (Usually a mens, sometimes a V-neck)
  • Toms or slip ons (sometimes Tennis shoes)
  • Hoodie (if it’s cold)

That’s all I ever want to wear. I dress up every Sunday or when I am asked to, but that is it for style. And again, when I try to change what I wear, I just think about how much I wish I was wearing the basics again.

Anyways, a couple of days ago I was walking up the stairs of my new job and at the top of the stairs was this man dressed in a suit.
And he looked good. He wasn’t particularly attractive, in case that is what you meant, but he looked snappy.
This is what I was wearing:

 

And when I walked past this man and we said Good Morning, I wondered if he thought I looked like a child.
Did he? We don’t know.

But this is a reoccurring thought of whether I look like an adult female or now.

That’s it.

1/10/2017

I run out of things to put in the title of my blog posts, but the date seems good since it will never be this day again.

Also, I don’t really know what I want to say, but my blog has been on my mind the last couple of days and I feel the need to put up something.

My current state I would consider as “trying”. Last night I wasn’t so happy about things and tonight I am just exhausted. I am also only being texted/messaged by one person, which is a guy bragging to me about the size of his TV….yeah. For 20 minutes now. 

So, I’m just going to write three things I am happy for and one positive thing that happened in the last 24 hours. 

This is something that is suggested to do when they teach psychology of happiness to people. Although usually for more than one day, but yeah.

  1. I am grateful for pillows and blankets. Since I am currently laying on couch cushions on the floor and even slept on the floor this week, I am grateful for having these luxuries that make it comfortable even for the floor.
  2. I am grateful for living close to family. I am currently living with my sister and her husband (and soon to be my nephew who is still at the hospital). This is such a blessing, despite the difficulties that may arise, because a year ago I was living in a place where I knew no one longer than a few months. There was no intimacy or closeness of any sort in my life and even just having them near is amazing.
  3. I am grateful for dogs, specifically my sisters dog Aspen. They are pure happiness and love.


(We nap together often)

And the one positive thing that I want to share that happened in the last 24 hours was me finding out that guy had a 120″ tv.

No, it would probably be just getting to come home in not storm weather and getting to spend time with my sister. It was simple and not a unique experience, but we had fun and with how tiring today was, it was good. 

I don’t know how to end this. Go team. 👍🏼

12/24/2016

I was on the phone with my mother two days ago and she asked me what my Christmas List was.

I thought I had almost gotten through the season without anyone asking me that.

It’s such an awkward question now that I am an adult, because most of the things I want I just buy for myself.
Or I want it, but it’s super expensive and I don’t want to ask someone for that gift.
I suddenly understand why every year for Christmas we would get my dad mints or gum or his favorite nuts instead of a gift like anything else.
Even now I get him a gift card to his favorite restaurant, because it’s not like adults really have a list of toys they have been really wanting, because adult (non-sexual) toys are expensive.
I want a Fitbit, so please drop $150 on me.
(You can see me give an awkward thumbs up.)

I have no problem giving people gifts, especially joke ones or homemade ones, but if someone asks what I want, I don’t really know what to say.
And then when you say nothing, people get weird about it. And also then I can’t ask them what they want cause they will feel it’s a double standard.
It IS a double standard.
I can get you gifts, but I don’t need you to get me gifts.
I love you and want to express my love by purchasing you something, but I don’t need you to give me something to feel your love.
Please adhere to my messed up rules, thank you.

Anyways, I found this meme and I felt like it explained everything (except I don’t want alcohol. I wouldn’t know what to do with it.)

christmas-list

 

12/22/2016

So, a few days ago I spent all day coming back to my blog’s posts area trying to think of something to write about on here.
I have been really wanting to post, because I feel like most of my posts lately have been about religion. Which is fine, obviously it’s a big part of my life.
But it’s not the only thing that I think about.

After thinking that, I then had to sit and ask myself what do I think about when I am just going about my daily life.
And the first day that I thought about this, I realized that I don’t really think about anything important most of the time.
For awhile I was really into thinking about politics most of the day, but I got tired of that since it is always upsetting.

The next couple of days that I sat and thought about the things that I am thinking about while going about my day, I realized that I don’t really think about many important things.
Like I will think about my make up and think about different things that would be fun to do occasionally, but for the most part I think about things that are happening to other people and my budget or trying to get out of debt.
And obviously for the last few days I have been thinking about what things I sit and think about.
Riveting.

I have realized that the reason I am not thinking about anything or dreaming about things that could happen lately is that when I do sit and think about the things that normally would excite me, I don’t really have any goals or things happening soon that would.
So, thinking about it just makes me feel sad.
And that is the current state of affairs. It is me almost treading water til I can figure out what I am going to do with this situation I am in.
Also, before you even think about it, the situation I am in is the one I am supposed to be in. The first reaction anyone has is “You should change your situation.”
You can’t always just change the situation, sometimes it is more about what you do in your situation.

Anyways, I feel bad that I haven’t been as active on my blog.
There isn’t much to say. The current state of affairs is my mind is pretty blank and then I just fill it with temporary things until I can figure out the place in my situation.

Go team.

12/11/2016

I have mentioned many times on here that I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions. I have always felt like if I didn’t already have it as a goal, not some date on the calendar will change my desire for that goal.
But today I was talking to a friend of mine and I were talking about our debts and I was telling him all about my savings plans and my plans to get out of debt.
It made me so excited about this upcoming year and the chance I have to get in a better financial position.

I was telling him about how this was not a very fun goal, but it does make me happy to think about the changes that will be made and the chance I have to be in a better position next year.
The chance to be in a better situation just sounds amazing and to be able to save money for my future and those future goals that might be fun makes me really excited.

My life isn’t very exciting and I am not making as much money as I used to, but I am doing these things so I can have a more exciting future and that is what makes me feel excited about those changes.
It also makes me feel like I am getting my life together which will make me feel better when it becomes time to start a family.

I told this friend when we were talking about debts that I wanted to only have my student loans and car payment when I finally do get married and settle down.
I also told him that I wanted to have the money for my wedding saved. That it wouldn’t be such a big deal spending the money on a wedding if it was already set aside.
Talking about all of this also made me excited. I have a long way to go to get into that great of shape financially and I usually can only save like $25 and pay like $50 on my debts a check, but by small and simple means are great things brought to pass.
I know that even just the small steps I take now will make me feel better about my situation as well as feel better committing to someone in the future.

I am just excited.

11/30/2016

So, tonight I was looking in my closet for my Christmas sweaters, because tomorrow is the first of December. And when I pulled out my Christmas sweaters, I also found a bunch of winter clothes. Like sweats and sweatshirts.

It was honestly like I had found buried treasure I was so stoked about it. All these clothes that I knew about, but forgot I had still. There were only like 6 items, but I had just assumed I had donated them at some point. It was pretty exciting.

But it was also exciting because I realized that I had at one point packed away some of my winter clothing. Like a normal person you hear about doing that. I had the foresight to put away winter clothes for a later date in a place that wouldn’t be in the way instead of just hanging in the closet.

I’m so impressed with my past self for doing this. I’m not as impressed with my current self, because obviously I forgot about doing this, but I am still impressed with my past self for it.

This realization was actually more exciting than finding the clothes. But the clothes are important because it’s getting cold here finally.

Win all around.