04/07/2017

I find that most of my posts lately are about my thoughts on Psychology. This is probably because I am in my finally 10 classes and it’s all I read about.
But anyways, on with my psychological thoughts for today:

Being an adult, I have heard a bit about Freud. It started from the first time someone mentioned a Freudian slip, to the times that he has been brought up to where I looked up vague synopsis-es of his theory of psychology.
And every time I looked him up and read about his theories I thought I did not like them.

About a year ago I was thinking about Freud as the “found of Psychology” and thought I should probably actually find out what he was about since I had already decided I really didn’t like him.
I downloaded onto my phone all of his published works. (There were a few.)
I started to read them and got through the first volume, but the old English with scientific vernacular was too much for me, so I gave up before I even got to the good parts, like his theory.

But now that I am in the actual Psychology core classes of college, we are spending quite a bit of time studying Freud’s theory of personality, so I can finally make an educated decision?
Annnnnnd I hate his theory.
In fact, as the founder of psychology, I am pretty sure he has shaped our society in a huge, negative way.
So…not happy with him.

I don’t care as much about his theory of the mind and how it is made up, but what I don’t like is that in Freudian theory there are only two motivating factors in life or reasons why people do things: Sex and Aggression due to the desire to die.

Sex and death…that’s all there is. Everything else is just a manifestation of sex and death.

A very funny scene with Jermaine Clements in Dinner for Schmucks.

What. the. hell.

In the entirety of the human experience and mind, how is it possible that someone could think there is only sex and death? Even in infants, Freud found only sex and death.

I mean, if this is the foundation of psychology, no wonder we now have a society that is completely sex crazed and my generation cannot have a healthy sexual life, because they can’t balance between too much sex and complete abstinence.
But why am I a surprised?
Apparently there were only two options for what people do and the morbidity crazed are more taboo than the sex crazed.

You can’t hear my long sigh when I try to talk about it. The concept to me is just so ridiculous and dumb that I just end up throwing my hands up.
Why does it bother me so much?
Because I see it. I see how this one theorist was the founder of psychology and has shaped a society where sex is everything and those who can have sex with multiple partners are idolized.

It’s just a pity so much was based on his studies, because yes sex is great, but there is more to life than sex. And yes, death happens, but again there is more to life than death.
So, that sucks.
There is nothing more that I can say than it sucks.

Advertisements

I’ve been thinking about death.

Not to be a creep, but occasionally it crosses the mind. Most people my age never really seem to think about death. They seem to have this idea that they are going to live forever.
That’s cool I guess.

I’m sorry to go all serious on people, but it’s something that crossed my mind. What brought this on you might ask?

It’s kinda embarrassing. Yesterday I was sitting in my brother’s room minding my own business when I decided to stand up. They have a bunk bed you see. So the back of my head may have come in contact with the top bunk of the bunk bed…hard.
At first I thought I had a concussion, but I didn’t black out so I just figured that it was all in my head. Pun definitely intended.

Anyways, as the day wore on, it turned out I mostly definitely did have a concussion. I felt horrible. And as I laid there I started to think what would happen if one day I was just  gone. One day there, next day gone in some freak bunk bed accident. I’m not dramatic at all about this.
But I was seriously thinking what if I wasn’t there anymore no one would have access to anything of mine, cause no one has my passwords. So no one would know really. Like I know I don’t have much of a following, but no one who reads my blog would know. They would just think I quit.
That’s crazy. I need a will.

Anyways, the point is, bunk beds are dangerous and should be recalled. Cause those are death traps, but for kids.

If you are curious about my well-being…

I’m pretty sure I have caught Swine Flu or the Bubonic Plague or something really serious that feels like I’m dying. My nose is runny, my eyes are watering, my back and neck feel like death and my stomach hurts like no bodies business. Also, my arms feel like they are going to fall off.

I once read this short story online where an alien race came down from Earth and infected this girl with a virus that caused her to carry their alien eggs. The way they described her stomach hurting was a lot like how  mine is hurting right now.

SO! When aliens take over the world, you can all blame me for that. Except I will be their queen bee and you all will be dead. So I’m not all that worried about it. Maybe I will get them to spare some people, maybe I won’t.

Either way, I feel like I’m dying today.

Oh By the way, twitter followers might be spared:  

Can’t someone just die?

Peter Michael Falk (September 16, 1927 – June 23, 2011)

I’m sorry, I’m in love with Columbo. I really didn’t know that he was still alive, but now the fact that he is dead is very devastating to me.
But yeah, I watch Columbo all the time. I rent the seasons of it. Peter Falk is brilliant.

Well the other day I was walking in a store and I saw a headline on a magazine saying “Peter Falk: The Hatred and Torment that drove him to his Death!”
Really? The man was 84, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t hate and torment that drove him to his death. I’m pretty sure it was just cause he was really freaking old.

Honestly, can’t a celebrity ever just die?
No speculation. No gossip. No reason for their death. They just died.

And it would help me sleep better at night if on my death certificate under “Cause of Death” we could just put “I don’t know, she just died.”
Thanks.

You’re My Favourite Enemy.

I’ve been reminiscing a lot lately, which can be very dangerous. It’s a sure way to get some regret going on in your life. Success. One thing that can really get me down though is thinking about my only ex. Stay with me here, I know not a lot of people want to hear about break-ups. I’m not talking about that.

I met him 4 years ago. He really wasn’t interested in me at all until last summer, but we were really close for four years. I pined the whole time. What are you gonna do? I’m still a female. So last summer we got together. Not to be a Monday morning quarterback, but I HAD to have known when we got together that it wasn’t going to work out. Looking back, I really don’t see anyway that it could have worked out at all. He broke up with me in November. We both cried at the time, but we both wanted it. Weird.

So here I am, 4 months later and sometimes I miss my best friend, cause after 4 years he really was my best friend. Well, not anymore. Anytime I talk to him, he is so cold and douchey to me. He acts like I’m secretly trying to get him back somehow, I’m really not. I don’t want him. But not only that, he makes it some huge life competition to see who is doing better. Like who is better off with out who.
Well I don’t dig that, cause I think I would lose. He has a new girlfriend, I’m single. He can walk, I can’t. etc. Well after he wins, he gets condescending. Great.
Not to mention, the putting me down and insulting me. OR MY FAVOURITE! The other things I can ignore but I just can’t stand it when he brings up personal things that I have told him and makes fun of them. Things I said in confidence, that I only told to him. He makes fun of now. (No Cammie, I haven’t talked to him in at least a month.)

Uhm, you’ve changed. Honestly, how can one go from being so close with me to hostile. Like a freaking flip of a switch. And yeah I miss him and I wish we could be friends more than anything, but I’m not about to deal with that. And situations like this make me believe that there is no way you could ever be friends with your exs. BUT! My best friend is friends with almost all her exs. Even her multiple ex fiances. OKAY! So then it’s just my ex that wants nothing to do with me?

I guess the only reason that it bothers me so much, cause I’m not always running around upset that he hates me now. Not even. In fact I mostly don’t think about him, just occasionally. ANYWAYS! The reason it can be so freaking upsetting is, we’ve known each other for 4 years. WE WERE BEST FRIENDS! You can’t be close to someone for that long without having that affect you as a person. I honestly don’t think I would be the same person I am today without him. And I know for a fact he wouldn’t be the same person he is without me. He wouldn’t have even known his new girlfriend without me. Do I regret that? Not at all. I only bring it up so you realize how much of an impact I have had on his life. And now he treats me like dirt. It brings me really close to hating him.

I don’t know how to end this post, so I’m just going to end it. End.

I hate you and you and definitely you.

I am so full of hositlity right now, I’m about to start a world war. And this hostility is accompanied by a generous amount of angst and sleep deprivation. I honestly think I could kill someone right now.

For the last couple days I have been so on edge. Basically, everyone can say about 5 syllables before being snapped at. I am straight up feeling like the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. Make a wrong move, off with your freaking head. And always my way if you want to go the Disney version. This morning my father asked me how I was feeling and I conviently told him that I’m dying, cause that’s what this feels like.

Honestly, my head just won’t stop hurting and I really just don’t want to be talked to. Like at all. I just want to be left alone and such. Although, when certain people leave me alone it annoys the hell out of me as well. I don’t know why I’m such a jerk right now, but I am. And there is also the impending depression that comes and goes. What am I depressed about? I’m not exactly sure. I just know I dont feel good. So if I don’t post alot for a while, you know why.

Now, if I told my mother or even me this, I would just say that happiness is a decision. Well, that’s great but I feel like crap and I just decide for that to go away. I’m pretty sure it’s because my ankle is broken.

Luckily I have found a really nice scapegoat for all these feelings. That would be my NOTfriend. And the best thing is, this person really doesn’t care if I like them or not, how convinent. That just makes me want to blame everything on you even more. Even my ankle break should be your fault. Why? I’m not sure, you weren’t there when it happened. BUT it’s most definitely your fault ever since you did something to make me mad.
I AM NOT ABOVE VENDETTAS! But I have a feeling you are, well aren’t you special. I’m going to bed.

I’m either a 70 or 1 year old.

I feel like I’ve neglected my blog. The fact that I didn’t check it for 2 days and haven’t posted in about 3 is very troubling. Somehow during my absence I gained my first subscriber (a guy named Nate, who I have had no previous encounters with but will pretend we are best friends).

So Where Have I been?

Does anyone remember watching movies as a child and there was always that one person who no one wanted on their team because they FAILED at every sport/physical activity out there?
That was me. Don’t believe me? I was kicked off the soccer team when I was 8, because I was horrible at it. Kicked off the kids team. My mother was pissed. Also I failed P.E. when I was in middle school. How do you fail P.E.? When you’re graded on your performance and improvement, you fail. Also, I think the fact that I broke a lot of equipment left the teacher biased.
What’s that you’re thinking? Practice and you will improve? Not if you talked to the Tennis Coach I once had the pleasure of taking one lesson with. At the end of the lesson he approached me and said “I actually think you are getting worse.”

I’m incapable of playing sports or doing anything athletic. The only sport I find worth my time is bowling. I bowl a 45 almost every time and I’m okay with that. The best thing about bowling is, the ball is already 5 million pounds, so you can’t really break anything and you just throw it. And if it’s wrong, it’s a gutter. You have 19 other tries to get it right. Bowling is amazing.

But I’m off topic. So, I’ve avoided really doing any physical activity for a while now. (No, I don’t just laze about. I jog, which is brainless and requires no talent which I have)
I have found when you avoid certain things for a long time, you start wondering if you really are as bad as you think. Or maybe only I think this. It happens the same with my allergies.

ANYWAYS! So Monday my ward decided to have an activity where we all went to Crystal Palace Skating Center. A little history, when I was a little girl I ALWAYS wanted to go there. I would ask my mother and she would say they didn’t have enough money. But I dreamed and dreamed of going. Never happened.
So we go to Crystal Palace and I get some skates, never skated before. No bd. So I go out on these roller skates and fall to my heart’s content. Making a complete fool of myself, but I’m fine either way. When I finally felt comfortable enough to skate without holding onto the wall and just holding hands with my best friend, I feel accomplished. SURPRISE! I fall and my leg goes one way but my foot goes another. A loud snap is heard and I’m left on the skating floor in pain.

Imagine my embarrassment as I sat on the skating floor and 50 people came to crowd around me and watch me in my agony. For the record, asking someone if they are alright when they are lying on the floor with a grimace on their face, DOESN’T HELP! I must have been asked 1750815380158031 times and I don’t think I ever answered once. And maybe it’s just my social standing, but the fact that about 30 people from my Single’s Ward were there and only one person helped me….well that just hurts. I’m just super glad certain people didn’t see me in my moment of glory on the floor, although I do wonder if they did see me, would they be one of the on lookers or the second person to help me.

Needless to say, my ankle is broken. But I couldn’t even break it well enough to get a cast, which is a fail on my part. So instead, I have a boot. And crutches. For the next 6 weeks. Also, I get this weird look from people when I say I broke my ankle roller skating. Like “Um, did she not realize she is not 10 years old?” Actually I didn’t. Thanks. Rubbish.

I’ve set up camp on the downstairs couch and have spent the last 2 days playing The Sims. Why? Because if I can’t go out and live my life, I shall make up pretend people and live vicariously through them. Also I can’t get up the stairs. I’m realizing now that my arm muscle is non-existent.

My independence is shot. This morning I had to crawl up the stairs so my sister could give me a bath (I hadn’t showered in 2 days.) and then help me get dressed. I have to wait for someone to make me food, which happens at about 4 in the afternoon. I had to have help getting dressed.
Now this is only my second day of immobility, but I still feel like crap at the fact that I’m completely helpless and dependant on those around me. Not to mention, my best friend blames herself for the accident, which makes no freaking sense in my mind. I just got off the phone with one of my clients and I had to wonder “Could he tell I’m on majour pain killers?”. And also, I have trouble sleeping on the couch cause I end up staring at the door waiting for a psycho killer to come in and kill me slowly. Ugh.

How’s your week going?