9/7/2017

I’ve been thinking a lot lately like I typically do. Someone asked me recently what my favorite thing to do is and I responded with thinking.
Because it is the thing I do the most and I do think about various different subjects.

But one thing I was thinking of when I was on a long drive today for my work was just thinking how boring I have become.
Lately, I feel like I am too tired to do anything. I haven’t even done my make up that much recently.
My sister asked me today if I was lonely and I said not really, just occasionally I wish I had a male best friend and more interaction with males.
Then I mentioned that it would be too much work and I was too tired to proceed with finding a friend or trying to build the relationship. The idea of even starting a relationship (friendship or otherwise) just sounds so tiring and the return on investment is not there.

Even when I meet someone new and they start asking me the standard questions, I just feel tired and want to say the simplest thing so we can move on.

Anyways, I just am wondering if I am boring or if I am just burnt out. I do kind of look boring nowadays with no makeup and no flashy clothes.
But if I am boring, I am okay with it I guess.

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“How is life? Your life is much more interesting than mine!”

I replied with I’m engaged. It was a lie, but it made me feel better.
Honestly, does my grass look greener? Cause it’s looking pretty freaking dead to me. I just find it pretty funny that someone was looking at my life and thinking it was more interesting. Except I don’t really feel like laughing. It really wasn’t funny at all, just peculiar.

So what is going on in my life? How is my life?
Well, my leg is broken. I spend a lot of time sitting on my couch wishing I was asleep, but I can’t sleep. I’m gaining insomnia, I spend most of the night looking for ways to fall asleep. I fall a lot in general. I’m in pain all the time. So that part of my life is rubbish.
On the goals front, I have lost all drive to go to school with a broken leg. It just seems too much. I think I have a C in Spanish, not because I don’t know Spanish but mostly because I don’t go with this leg.
And on the guy front, cause I did mention being engaged, I look around and feel a little uninspired. Beside something that I won’t mention. But anyways I wouldn’t mind becoming inspired, but I just don’t see it happening. Which is very sad. 
I’m also so stressed and jerky that I’m breaking out all over the place, and I’m too tired to go anywhere. It takes me 15 minutes to get up to my room.

As you can see, I’m really confused as to why someone would think my grass is greener. Honestly, I’m just not thinking about my grass or anyone elses, I’m just kinda laying down in my grass waiting to see if something happens.
If you asked me to describe my life right now, I would just shrug my shoulders. Why? Cause my life right now is a boring slur of day after day.
I went the doctor and he said he wants to see me April 26th, cause I still have a month left with this broken leg. Really? That’s funny cause I’m so over it. Honestly, I would love to walk right now. Geez. Plus I think everyone else is over it too.

I’m pretty sure the person who mentioned that my life was more interesting said that because more people talk to me I guess. The fact of the matter is, like I mentioned yesterday, I really don’t want to talk to anyone other than a select few. So the fact that people keep coming to talk to me when I’m sitting somewhere, that really doesn’t matter to me. I’m too tired for those shenanigans.

I guess what I’m saying is, there really is no reason to envy my life and also no reason to really talk about it cause nothing is really going on in it right now. SO! Next subject.