04/21/2017

So, last night I was talking to this guy who happens to be interested in psychology as well and get this…he is actually going to use his psychology degree!
Crazy.
Didn’t tell him that I am farce who just studies psychology cause it’s interesting and not because I have any intention of using it as a career.

Anyways, we were talking about how to stay positive and happy with yourself.
I sent him the following video:

I actually read that guy’s book and didn’t even know he did a Ted Talk til recently, but I like the Ted Talk, because he is going to be way more direct in 12 minutes than 200+ pages.
Anyways, a little while back I started to do the suggestions in that video of writing down three things you are grateful for and journaling one positive thing that happened to you, but I only made it a few days.
He suggests 21 and now that I am thinking about it, I want to try that again because I have been kind of down, particularly yesterday, and since my blog is my journal, everyone else gets to join in on this.

  1. I am grateful for my knowledge of God and His plan of happiness.
  2. I am grateful for the Atonement and that I can repent of my sins. There is nothing better than the ability to feel clean again and removed of guilt.
  3. I am grateful that I can pray and feel close to my Heavenly Father

I feel like those are easy ones to be grateful for and probably similar to what anyone (at least who is religious) would say.
But I want to say them first, because they are the most important.

And the one positive thing that I want to write about that happened yesterday was that I feeling sick and had to come home early from work.
I was laying in bed feeling awful and frankly depressed as well. (I find not feeling well seems to be a big player in my mental state)
And I called our golden retriever to come lay with me and he is still a puppy so he is very busy.
Every 30 seconds he would try to find a new position to lay in instead of just laying down next to me.
Anyways, I just ended up laying in bed laughing with him, because he is such a wiggle worm.
It’s not what you would expect to be a positive experience, but he just makes me happy.

Just a reference picture for you.

 

04/08/2017

So, I am going to go off on a bit of a rant here that I had to stop reading my textbook to go on. Starting now:

One of the things that is beat into your head when you are doing a slightly scientific major, which I consider Psychology as a slightly scientific major, in college is the scientific method of research.

A big part of the scientific method of research is that scientists will not research or study something that they cannot prove or disprove. Meaning, if we cannot prove that our theory/hypothesis on something is true and we cannot disprove it, we aren’t going to waste our time with it.
….except when it comes to God and religion.

“People return to religion … not as an act of faith but in order to escape an intolerable doubt…they make this decision not out of devotion but in search of security” – Erich Fromm

Okay, I am very religious.
If you have read my blog for more than a few posts, you will have noticed this about me. I am religious, it shapes most of my life, and it is something that I completely live by.
That being said, I am not trying to shove it down anyone’s throat or force anyone to be a part of my religion. I am into it, it’s okay if you are not.

However, I have heard many times in the news and in my life, scientists and people in the scientific community try to “justify” or explain the reasons why people should not be religious. Or even farther, that there is not a God.
They are entitled to their belief, but now after going through multiple classes on the scientific method of research, you are only entitled to that belief as a person.
Not as a scientist who would have to provide some form of evidence in order for it to be accepted by the community.
You, as a person only, feel that atheism is the only correct way.

Freud, the “founder of psychology” (who I just talked about having difficulties with, said this about religion:

“that to anyone with a friendly attitude to humanity it is painful
to think that the great majority of mortals will never be able to rise above this
view of life”

Why?
Why is it that a way of living, that has not been proven wrong by science, is something that needs to be risen above?
And it’s even more comical of a statement coming from the man whose theory on life is there is only sex and death.
So, rise above religion as a view on life so you can only see sex and death too?
Cool.

I just wrote this, because I get frustrated with hearing scientists say that religion is bad and yet they can’t even prove its validity.
In fact, trying to even prove its validity goes against the core research tactics.
So…stop please. Or at least preface your statements on religion with the fact that your statements are not as a scientist or a psychologist, but are your personal opinions.

/Rant Over

04/07/2017

I find that most of my posts lately are about my thoughts on Psychology. This is probably because I am in my finally 10 classes and it’s all I read about.
But anyways, on with my psychological thoughts for today:

Being an adult, I have heard a bit about Freud. It started from the first time someone mentioned a Freudian slip, to the times that he has been brought up to where I looked up vague synopsis-es of his theory of psychology.
And every time I looked him up and read about his theories I thought I did not like them.

About a year ago I was thinking about Freud as the “found of Psychology” and thought I should probably actually find out what he was about since I had already decided I really didn’t like him.
I downloaded onto my phone all of his published works. (There were a few.)
I started to read them and got through the first volume, but the old English with scientific vernacular was too much for me, so I gave up before I even got to the good parts, like his theory.

But now that I am in the actual Psychology core classes of college, we are spending quite a bit of time studying Freud’s theory of personality, so I can finally make an educated decision?
Annnnnnd I hate his theory.
In fact, as the founder of psychology, I am pretty sure he has shaped our society in a huge, negative way.
So…not happy with him.

I don’t care as much about his theory of the mind and how it is made up, but what I don’t like is that in Freudian theory there are only two motivating factors in life or reasons why people do things: Sex and Aggression due to the desire to die.

Sex and death…that’s all there is. Everything else is just a manifestation of sex and death.

A very funny scene with Jermaine Clements in Dinner for Schmucks.

What. the. hell.

In the entirety of the human experience and mind, how is it possible that someone could think there is only sex and death? Even in infants, Freud found only sex and death.

I mean, if this is the foundation of psychology, no wonder we now have a society that is completely sex crazed and my generation cannot have a healthy sexual life, because they can’t balance between too much sex and complete abstinence.
But why am I a surprised?
Apparently there were only two options for what people do and the morbidity crazed are more taboo than the sex crazed.

You can’t hear my long sigh when I try to talk about it. The concept to me is just so ridiculous and dumb that I just end up throwing my hands up.
Why does it bother me so much?
Because I see it. I see how this one theorist was the founder of psychology and has shaped a society where sex is everything and those who can have sex with multiple partners are idolized.

It’s just a pity so much was based on his studies, because yes sex is great, but there is more to life than sex. And yes, death happens, but again there is more to life than death.
So, that sucks.
There is nothing more that I can say than it sucks.

03/04/2017

Tonight I am sitting here reading some of the textbook for my psychology class and the book is talking about how you can properly calculate happiness when doing a study on it.
They gave a couple of different options, but one study done by The Gallup Polling Organization (look at me giving credit even though this isn’t an essay) just did their study by asking the following question:

Imagine a ladder with steps numbered from 0 at the bottom to 10 at the top. The top of the ladder represents the best possible life for you and the bottom of the ladder represents the worst possible life for you. On which step of the ladder would you say you personally stand at this time?

I am curious as to what people’s answer would be.
My first thought was “Maybe I haven’t even reached the ladder yet.”
I think this is an easy answer for me to give, because it’s a cop-out for me to not having to sit and think about where I sit in my life right now.
I think it’s easier, since I don’t know how well I am doing and I feel like I am just trying my best, to think that maybe I haven’t begun to climb the ladder. Maybe I am just gearing up for my big climb at this point.

Obviously I am that polling company’s worst nightmare. Can’t even answer a simple question. Deflection.

09/05/2016 – 63 Years!

So, today marks the 63rd wedding anniversary of Rue (my grandfather I live with) to his wife.
Anytime I bring up my grandmother, people are always shocked to hear that she is still alive since I don’t talk about her as much and since Rue and I live alone together.
She is actually in a home since she has Alzheimer’s for the past 15 years.
She is in the final mental stages where she cannot really talk outside of saying “Hello” occasionally and she cannot take care of herself.
Because of this, we have her in a home and Rue uses his motorized wheelchair twice a day to go each lunch and dinner with her.

He had me pick up some flowers for her, which I arranged into a bouquet, and then I made cake bites, because a full cake would be hard for her to eat.
Then today when we were going at lunch, which he celebrated the anniversary at lunch time with her because he didn’t want to mess up her nightly bedtime ritual, he left early so he could make sure that the women at the home put her make up on that day.

“She would have been wanting to wear her make up.”

Okay, Rue isn’t the greatest man in the world. In fact, homeboy is a pretty mean old cuss.
However, living with Rue I have heard him talk about how much her loves her so many times.
The other night he mentioned to me how upset he was that he could only use one arm and was wheelchair bound? Why specifically did he bring it up?
He said he couldn’t hold his wife, he could only rub her back and pet her hair and that was rough for him.

63 years and he is just as devoted to her as he has always been.
His whole day revolves around her still.
It’s not the Notebook, but it sure as hell is some sort of romantic.

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03/27/2016

You know, in the past week approaching Easter people kept asking me what my plans were and were shocked to find out that I had none. Many people asked me why I was not going to home to spend Easter with my family, but Easter was never a huge “holiday” in our household.
We would do an Easter egg hunt, but it was never something very big or memorable as a holiday in what you would normally consider to be a holiday nowadays.

Now, this does not mean that I am not struck with awe over the reason that we celebrate Easter.
The Atonement and Resurrection are two of my favorite subjects, because I have felt my sins being forgiven and I know that I can live again through Christ.
But this Easter I felt a little ashamed that I was not completely wrapped up in the spirit of what my Savior has done for me.
I think that travelling so much for work has left me exhausted and not focusing on the things that I should be as much. (Also, you will notice that it has left me not posting on my blog)

As I listened to the testimonies this Easter and even read the story of Christ rising in the Bible this afternoon, I realized that I was going to need to work harder at keeping the spirit with me as I travel and to let it still be a part of my focus when I am going about my work.

I am always excited about the Resurrection of Christ though, just need to carry that excitement with me always.

03/02/2016

Today I was thinking about something that I come in contact with often who is very intense. They are a very rough and almost difficult person to work with. I honestly think that they hate me in someways, but like me in a lot of other ways.
(I’m a very difficult person to not like. You really have to try.)
To be fully honest, this person intimidates me a lot. They can just be downright scary to me and not necessarily because I feel lower than them, but a lot of it comes from their approach being so different than mine.
Anyways, one thing that I end up thinking about a lot when it comes to dealing with other people is what their lives are like outside of the brief moments I happen to see them.
It helps me to re-frame my interactions with them when the situations get difficult and it also helps me to think of the reasoning behind their actions.

Well, as I thought about this person that I am intimidated by, a question for that person came to my mind:

What makes you cry? What fills your soul with sorrow?

Now, obviously I would never ask this person that question, but it still stuck in my mind and I even started picturing a few people that I have been thinking about lately crying.

I think the question came to my mind, because crying is a very humanizing action. It’s like hunger or fatigue, but more personal.
It is something that everyone, no matter how manly or what they say, have done at least once in their lives. It’s how doctors check to make sure that we are alive when we are first born.
But the more I pondered this thought and applied it to multiple people I have been thinking about, I realized that it was not just crying. I was thinking about these people (and even picturing them like an unseen observer in my head) filled with sorrow.
Not just any sorrow, but the kind that fills your stomach and can almost be felt in every inch of your body.

But there is a little more to this thought that kept creeping back to me. They say you can tell a lot about a person by what makes them happy, but I am almost inclined to believe that you can tell a lot more about a person by what makes them filled with sorrow.
The more I think about it, happiness can be personal, but sorrow is almost always personal.
Anytime a person or moment can bring us to tears or break us down, it is always personal and often times more lasting than happiness.

As I apply these thoughts to more people I come in contact with, I just have this aching desire to know what would bring them to that point.
And not maliciously, like I want them to feel that way, but for understanding.
If I understand what breaks your heart, later I can understand what wears you until eventually I can know what your plight as a human being is.
And that’s all I want, is to know and empathize and be connected.

But I am not even sure what the answer to what causes me sorrow is. I imagine it has something to do with loneliness and rejection, but it’s hard to tell when you are nowhere near feeling it.

It is still something to think about though.
What makes you cry? What causes you sorrow?

Supporting Character

So, I am a big believer in not comparing yourself to other people. That is huge.
Especially when it comes to your looks or things that could dramatically decrease your self-esteem.
However, I am not oblivious or immune. Other people do exist and their lives do cross paths with yours, which makes it hard to not take a look at what is happening there and what you are seeing yourself.

A few weeks ago I went out to dinner with someone who I have not seen in a while and this person was telling me all about their relationships with so many different people and the things that are going on in their life.
I could not help but think “Wow, none of that ever happens to me.”

~Let’s pause right here real quick, I am not writing this because I am unhappy. I am actually very happy with myself and the relationships I do have.~

When she was talking about all these different situations I realized that I had none of those types of people or situations in my life.

Fast forward to today where this has been on my mind a lot. Today I have not seen or really talked to anyone all day besides a few texts that I have sent.
I have mentioned before that for the most part I live alone and outside of work I spend a good amount of my time alone.
But I am happy. I am excited about my day today and the things I have accomplished. I am also happy with my life even though it is alone for the most part.
There are many people who love me and I love them and I do many things, not important things, but still many fun and good things.

So, as I was sitting here trying to think over how this situation plays together and what this means. I ended up at the same conclusion that I have before in the past, although maybe not as direct.
What if…I am just a supporting character?
If life is one huge story being written and I don’t feel that I am the main character of the story and the things I do really impact the story as of yet, maybe I am just a supporting character.

The person who comes and trains/teaches the main character. Or the quirky coworker who changes her hair every few weeks. Or maybe the girl at church who is always there trying to be involved, sometimes too much.
The person that silently supports the character or adds a little detail to the story, but is there for moral support.

I once gave a lesson about how there is strength in being a support to your family and to people who are doing hard things.
That just because it isn’t about you does not mean that you do not play a role.

So, when someone texting me how I was doing today, I told them I was having a great day! I worked out this morning. I went to target and bought yogurt and snap peas. I swept my bedroom and did some laundry. And I painted my nails red.
What a great day!
Not a relevant day, but a great day!

Something that has been on my mind a lot has been how to live an ordinary life and maybe part of that is being a supporting character to all the people around you.
Being that one important moment and then afterwards you do other things until you have your next important moment, either by yourself or with others.
I’m trying to learn to live this ordinary life that I have and I am definitely working to be happy with it.
And that’s all I wanted to say.

(Do you realize? by The Flaming Lips. You can listen to it here if you can’t see the player.)

Three Day Weekends

So, am I the only one who feels like three-day weekends are just a little too long?
I know when I was younger and in school I thought three-day weekends were the best thing it the world.
But then I grew up and became super lame and decided to live alone. So, three-day weekends are just way too much time for me.

When you stay at home for too long, you end up doing things that are out of character for you. Like I finally joined Hulu when everyone knows Netflix is better.
And before anyone even tries to argue with me, Hulu has commercials.
I’ll take you a step further Hulu plays workout commercials.
What is this? Fit people binge watching? No. It would never work out.
And why do they play their own commercials? That means I would have to pay to see their commercials.
Why do they need to promote themselves when I already paid? What am I going to pay for it twice?

Do you see the amount of time I have had to think about this? I also ended up putting away my Christmas and Halloween clothes/decorations.
I also think my room makes me look like a crazy hoarder person since I never unpacked my suitcase and I have minimal furniture.

I was so bored this weekend that I went in to work today for 3 hours. Then I went to Costco, which anyone who has read this blog for more than two days knows that I am not a huge fan of Costco.

The point is, I am sure that you have seen this particular quote floating around the interwebs:

DontGrowUp

I would like to validate this quote.

Sometimes you grow and you become super good at your job and then you get asked to start a new branch for your work.
You move to another state to start that branch and you hate it so much.
Then you get recruited by another company and move to another state to work for them.
This literally happens everyday to most adults I know.

Long story short, I live in place that I have only lived 6 months and my favorite hobby is reading.
You become an adult and a nerd who doesn’t like three-day weekends because they remind you how badly you need to clean your room.

I forget where I was going with this post, but it is important to document these things so that the internet and my possible future children know these things about my life. That I was a single woman who was a successful worker who ruins long weekends.
It’s just two-day weekends are so great. Saturdays are for errands and then Sundays are for church.

I hope this post answered some of your questions about adults and Hulu.

“The vote has been noted.”

Okay, I’m LDS (or Mormon) and I don’t really talk about it that much on my blog, but today I really want to talk about it.
Particularly I want to talk about the LDS opposing votes from General Conference that everyone keeps talking about.

Tonight I was at FHE

FHE
FHE is an acronym for Family Home Evening. Family home evening is what the Mormons do every monday night. They get together as a family, play games, tell stories, etc. Also known as Family Night but this occurs on a weekly basis.
by NinjaSteve June 09, 2009 (Courtesy of Urban Dictionary and Ninja Steve)
and we were talking about conference and someone brought up the opposing votes. One of the people in my FHE group said (and this is not verbatim)
“Why do people have to do things like that? You don’t have to be a member of our church. If you don’t like it, don’t come.”
But I think we are totally missing the best part about someone opposing.
Now, I wasn’t able to listen to the Saturday Night session as it was happening. I don’t have some great excuse for this, I was probably at Target with the Homies.
But when I did hear about people opposing in the session, my first thought was “That’s pretty awesome!
And not just because of President Uchtdorf’s response.
The vote
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I was actually pretty stoked about the opposing vote itself.
I feel like we become to complacent with the idea of
“Those in favor?”
Everyone raises their hand.
“Those opposed? The vote has been unanimous.”
It gets to the point where we forget that we are even voting for something. And that’s amazing.
So, again, when people in the church want to talk about and ask the following question:
“Why do people have to do things like that? You don’t have to be a member of our church. If you don’t like it, don’t come.”
Why do they still come? Because the Lord’s plan for agency is alive and well!
It still exists! We still get to choose!
And you know what, people got to choose in the pre-mortal life when a third of the host of Heaven said they didn’t like that plan.
God could have easily said “Sucks, go to Earth.”
But he didn’t, he let them go off and do whatever they wanted to do.
Yet how badly do we wish they hadn’t now?
You want to know what is ever more amazing?
People can still not choose it after they die. Don’t you feel like maybe that’s a little crazy and yet amazing?
“Do you accept that these things are true?”
“No, thanks.”
“Are you kidding? Look where we are right now. He’s standing right there.”
“Mmm, better not.”
And God respects that.
He has said to each and every single person, if that’s how you feel, you don’t have to follow me.
And that’s awesome.
Recently I posted something on my Instagram about conference and someone else commented saying that the church is cult.
It bothered me at first, but then there was the opposing vote.
And you know what, we are the only cult I know of that lets you take a vote and acknowledges your vote.
In fact, we are the only religion I know of that lets you take a vote.
How amazing would it be if the Vatican came out and said to those thousands of people watching:
Hey Guys, we are about to release the white smoke, but first, how are you feeling about this new pope?
And how much better is it when someone actually asks you what you think?
We are still going to have President Monson as the prophet, but we did ask. And when we ask, we want an honest answer.
I think the major flaw in how we are viewing this is first of all, we assume that these 5 people dislike our entire church. Maybe they don’t.
Maybe they just don’t approve of the prophet or maybe it’s just one thing that one of the authorities said that’s just been eating at them.
But shouldn’t our answer be “We’re so glad you came anyways.”
We are so freaking glad that you came despite what is bugging you about our church. We’re so happy to have you here.
Because how badly do we wish they were there when they aren’t?
Into the boat
There are things that I’m sure each of us don’t agree with in the church.
I sure as hell don’t agree with every little thing, but I want to be there anyways and take part anyways.
And I want to use my agency to say the word hell anytime  I want.
I guess what I am saying is that if agency, voting and opposing views are a part of this life and not only a part, but welcomed by the Lord.
We should welcome it too.
The Lords Plan
The next time there is an opposing vote, even if it’s just in my regular church meetings, my reaction will still be Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you so much for understanding the plan of Salvation and that you have agency.
Thank you for remembering that we do care about your opinion.
And Oh My Heck! Thank you so much Heavenly Father for caring about each of our opinions individually to let us vote.
BANGARANG HEAVENLY FATHER! Or in other words, Hallelujah to the Most High God!