Okay, this is my second time living in Utah, which the place I live are usually a bit of a theme on my blog.
Well, I experienced this the last time I was living in Utah and didn’t really say anything, but now my second time around I am a little over it.
I have been here 3 months and I would just like to announce something to all the people collectively in Utah.
Dear People of Utah,
I do not want to go hiking. Really ever.
I hiked when I was at camp each summer of my teenage years. It was the worse.
One time I slipped down a mini mud slide and had to hold on to a branch so I didn’t fall off a cliff. That was ridiculous and I would never recommend it.
Another time they took a rope and tied it around all of us hiking to help us feel unity while we hiked.
I’m going to pass on commenting.
Utah has beautiful scenery, do not get me wrong. The Mountains here are ridiculous. That’s why they put National Parks here in Utah.
But the point is, I am living in St. George and it is a minimum of 105 degrees out almost everyday. I don’t even want to walk from a building to my car, let alone wander around in the wilderness.
But the main reason that I don’t want to go hiking is that I hate being hot and I hate being sweaty. For a lot of people, hiking brings enough benefits to where they are willing to ignore those aspects.
The return on investment (the investment being sweat and physical effort) is there for almost everyone in Utah.
It is not for me.
But I know what you are thinking, people of Utah, if I don’t like hiking, you have an alternative.
To quote a man’s dating profile that I saw this morning:
“Please like climbing. Please Please Please!”
Now, it’s not just men on online dating sites that are into climbing.
People from around the world apparently come to this area of Utah just to go climbing. I have met a few recently that traveled here just to climb and hike. (Again, the scenery is amazing.)
But if I were to make a list of things I don’t want to do ever or even consistently, climbing would be a few spots higher than hiking.
I tried repelling once and I cried the entire way down.
I can’t imagine going the other direction being any better, especially since I have absolutely no upper body strength.
I’m willing to work on the upper body strength, but not through climbing.
These all sound the worst to me.
I went ahead and looked up #Utah on Instagram and just to illustrate my point, this is what I got:
Quit trying to force your outdoor activities on me!
Also, do not look up this Hash Tag, you will get a lot of porn too.
But seriously, almost every photo was of the mountains or doing something outdoors or porn. And I am not into porn at all either. I felt guilty for even looking up the completely innocent hashtag I did after seeing that.
Any guy online or people you meet in person, what do they want to do? Go on a hike.
Go for a climb.
Murder me through the proxy of Nature.
How is that fair? Is there no one in this freaking state that wants to eat ice cream with me on a couch with a fan blowing on us?
We don’t even have to have ice cream.
Anyways, my letter to the People of Utah at this point in time is just to collectively let them know the following:
I don’t want to hike with you.
I don’t want to climb with you.
I am willing to camp or fish or even appreciate/stand in nature with you every once in a while, but not if we have to hike to get to the spot.
I just have no interest whatsoever in the hobbies the majority of you care about.
As I mentioned in the picture I made at the beginning of this post: Please understand that it’s not you, it’s definitely me…But I feel like I am right.
We are just different people and it has everything to do with my upbringing.
Anyways, obviously you aren’t very understanding of this, but I just wanted to make my position clear and announce it to all of you at once.
You can’t see me shrug.