05/04/2016

So, today is my last day in Monterey, California.
I am going to be moving, yet again.
It seems like ever since I became an adult, I have done this every year or so. I will pack up and move across states. This will be my fourth time in 5 years.
Obviously this is very concerning to me.
It’s kind of like the bad process that I was in where I would change my hair majorly every few months and kept ruining my hair every year.
Everyone who has followed my blog long enough has probably noticed this.
That does work.

So, what did I do?
I went ahead and found a color that best matched my natural hair color and tried my best to leave it alone.
It’s been 6 months now with this color and that’s a long time for me to not do anything with my hair.
Sometimes I will think of something cool I want to do with my hair, but I will have to look at myself in the mirror and say “We are not doing this anymore.”
With the Royal We.
I can’t just ruin my hair anytime I am not having a good time or restless.

Well, even though if I sit and think about it, all the different times I moved I had a legitimate reason.
But in my not logical mind, I just see myself leaving a lot. Like I am a person, in the words of Ben Gibbard,:

I am a bird that’s in need of grounding
I’m built to fly away.
I never learned how to stay.

I don’t want to be that person. I need to have a foundation and a place that I can build a life.
When things aren’t working, I can’t just keep throwing up my hands and trying someplace new.
Because it’s hard to go somewhere where you do not have any friends, connections or even a job.

So, just like my hair, how does someone whose family is all spread out and has moved so much get back to a natural state?
I don’t really have a hometown, I grew up in Vegas and would never go back.
And my parents live in Orange County, but its way expensive, so I’m not sure if that would be a long-term solution either.
That being said, what is my most natural state like my most natural hair?
…probably with my sister.
She’s my best friend and basically an extension pack of me.
Very similar, you are playing the same game, but it’s still different.
So, I’m going back to Utah to live with my sister and her husband.
And this time, I am going to make it work forever or until I have a family that have their own reasons for leaving.
But there is no more of me just moving again and starting over. I can’t  do that anymore.

A lot of the moves that I have made have been solely based on my job.
And what ends up happening is that I move and work crazy hard at my job, but when things start to not work out, I realize that I don’t have a foundation for being where I am.
There is no family or friends or anything I can rely on when I get home from work and I am looking for a way to cheer me up from what may or may not have happened at work.
I need a foundation. I need to build a life with people I become dependent on and rely on.
Which includes my sister, my brother-in-law, some of my best friends who live out there and especially building a place where I can live. Like buying a house that is not going to cost me every dollar I ever make (referring to California).
Basically building a life.

And when I get that restlessness, like with my hair, or that itch that things are not working, I am just going to have to look at myself in the mirror and say “We are not doing this anymore, you live here.”
But I feel like that may not come this time, because my perspective is in the right place.
I am walking into that state realizing that I am making a home there. And I don’t even have a job to sway my decision-making.
I am jobless!
But I am going to be great.

Cera

Advertisements

One thought on “05/04/2016

  1. I can relate – I have zero family in the entire US of A. You will be great and do great things – even if you decide to change your hair color hourly. My daughter just told me she’s dying hers green but it is going to make her happy.

    Be jobless, enjoy life, spend time with any family you can. I’m one to talk right – I’m so lost in the world at the moment. I’m always a helper of others though even if I can’t help myself : ) Keep smiling, pick up some silly project which might end up being the greatest thing ever – basically just do whatever you want to – one life, one you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s