So, it’s almost 1 am and anyone who has followed my blog for a while knows that this is when I am at my most profound.
Not really, but it is when I am haunted by my inner-most thoughts and end up writing about them on here. I would like to believe this makes for a good read, but in reality it just makes for a good release of the things pent-up in my soul.
I am also very poetic at 1 am, apparently.
Anyways, tonight I was watching Freaks and Geeks and most of the characters in that show have some sort of love interest, even though they are just in their teens.
I did not have that. I had crushes, but they were rarely people who I actually interacted with or were friends with me.
These characters seem to have that going for them. It causes them a lot of trouble, but the grass is always more interesting than your grass.
As I decided to go to sleep (which is really working out for me, if you can’t tell) I was laying in bed thinking about the idea of wanting a love interest.
So many times when you are an adult and you mention the idea of a love interest, you get the same answer or similar answer:
You should work on being happy alone first.
This is something that I think about a lot, because I do usually want a love interest of some sort. However, I am very good at being alone at the same time. I take care of myself and pay my bills and get to work on time and I am fairly emotionally stable.
I am actually pretty successful as a human being alone.
I’m pretty sure wanting someone to love and being happy alone do not correlate together.
So, as I was thinking about these characters in the movie with their relationships, I noticed some of my pining that sets it apart from just not wanting to be alone.
As I was laying in bed, I was wishing that someone would be thinking about me while they laid in bed. I was wishing that someone would wonder or try to picture what I am doing at a random time throughout their day.
I was pining for someone to ache for me to be happy.
Now, when I say someone, I do not mean my parents or my older sister/best friend. I already know they want me to be happy and worry about me.
This was rather a deep ache I felt in my chest than just wanting to be in a relationship, because that would be really fun.
This was more than that and it often is. My desire to be in a relationship comes more from wanting someone to support me and someone who I can rely on.
I am mentioned it before to a couple of people, but I actually do get tired of going through some of the trials I do alone. It has nothing to do with not being able to or even being good at going through them alone, but it has to do with wanting support and a teammate.
To best explain my desire for love, I would like to explain something in a documentary I watched once. (Please note that all things I recount are from memory and may not be 500% accurate. It was called Love in the Animal Kingdom by PBS)
It was about love in the animal kingdom and examining different relationships animals have with their mates. The purpose was mostly to talk about whether animals love their mates, which of course they could not answer.
But one of the animals they talked about was the Chilean Flamingos, who actually mate for life. The males will do a dance of stretching their necks and moving around and when the females find a mate that’s dance matches hers, they will become mates.
The documentary talked about how they work together to bring up the chicks in this blistering hot environment. It talked about how this is where they mate every year and how temperatures were usually around 150 degrees Fahrenheit.
The documentary then went on to talk about other animals and their relationships with their mates, like lemurs and wolves. But the very last scene of the documentary was that blistering hot environment again, but it was empty.
The narrator explained that all the chicks had grown up sufficiently and all the birds moved on…except for two.
This next part was so moving that I actually took screenshots of it on my phone when I was watching it a year and a half ago. It took me 20 minutes to find the pictures.
It showed that one of the flamingos had gotten stuck in the mud and was unable to free itself. It would not be able to fly out of the heat or even move, it was going to die and right next to it was its mate.
Flamingos mate for life and so when the one flamingo got stuck, the other just waited with it. To the bitter end.
This is what I think of when I say I would like to be in love. Nothing about wanting to not be alone or not able to be by myself, but rather instinct.
The same that these flamingos had, to stay with someone and be stayed with til the bitter end.
Anyways, that’s just what I have been thinking about at 1 am tonight.