So, this is a post that I have been wanting to write for a while and I actually have two other things that I learned that I want to post about as well.
Ideally I would have written this post closer to the beginning of the year, but I get busy and distracted when it comes to posting on here.
I wanted to write on here the most important things that I learned, because these were life changing things and I am so much happier because of them.
Now, I am not the happiest person in the entire world. Or even a quarter of that, but I am happier enough to know that there was a huge burden lifted off my shoulders by these three realizations and I am much more relaxed.
Recently though a person who has seen me go through all of these realizations told me to be careful using them as advice, because I worked hard to come to this state and to these mindsets. If I just tell people what I have learned, they might try to apply them without the work and it could backfire. This person was worried about people resenting me.
So, I would like to preface by saying this is not advice. I am more writing my newly found knowledge and if someone happens to read it, then great.
I would also like to mention some of the struggle that I went through to get to this particular information and I would like to do that using song.
This song does have a cuss word that is mentioned twice in it, so keep that in mind if you are going to listen to it.
The reason that I bring up this song is that it is the song I would listen to when I was going through this ordeal. I would close my eyes and pretend he was singing to comfort me specifically and his words did fit my situation exactly.
The whole time I wished that I had someone to say the things he says to me, but I didn’t, so I just listened to this song.
(Something To Do With My Hands by Her Space Holiday. You can listen to it here if you don’t see the player.)
I almost did not make it through 2014 and it was my hardest year. This bled into the first part of 2015.
I just was not winning that year and every attempt I seemed to make to get it better just made it worse. I was in a financial hole that just seemed to get deeper.
But most importantly the line in the song where he says:
Your job is kill you faster than a cancer could.
I had uprooted my life for my job and was working 12 hour days to start a new branch for them. But the entire time they were not my biggest fan. They were happy to have my expertise and to accept my hard work, but they just did not like me.
And so I was in this constant cycle of trying to do my best and improve my life and use this passion I had for my job, but I would just then end up empty-handed and resentful.
Looking back I accomplished a lot and I am proud of what I did, but if I were to describe that time with just a few words they would be: Screaming, Crying and Tired.
Well, when my current job recruited me and I moved out to Northern California, I was a little surprised at how easy it was to get out of this situation that I had felt trapped in.
But things were just going okay and it wasn’t until I had my next big anxiety filled “crisis” and someone said to me:
Yeah, I remember when I was younger and things like that used to worry me too.
They went on to explain that, because I am young and not as experienced with the world, some things end up seeming like they are a bigger deal than they really are.
Now, this was said to me right after I backed into another car while I was not driving my own car.
And as I watched the situation unfold over the next little bit I noticed that this person was right.
Did my insurance go up? Yes, but other than that there was no real problem.
After this happened I tried to sit and think about some of the most anxiety filled situations I have been in and how they have effected me now.
I found that almost all of them did not matter at all now.
And I thought most recently about all of the things that happened in 2014 and the beginning of 2015 and what they had to do with what was happening now.
They obviously influenced my present, because I would not be where I am if they had not, but in terms of the anxiety and the fears that I had, it is all okay now.
So, after all that build up, the first most important thing that I learned in 2015 was that no matter what happens, everything will be okay.
I have always known that God has a plan, but I do not believe I was the best at letting go and letting him handle things until I had that conversation and until this year.
But everything that has happened in my life so far, and there has been some really unhappy things, has all worked out okay.
With that being said, I am letting go of all of my anxieties and worries about the future or things that have happened, because I can rest assured that things will work out.
Now, old habits do die-hard. I am not the most stress-free, non-worrier. But I am trying.
It has helped though with some of my fears about the worst things that could happen.
I was never really afraid of death, but I was afraid of being wrongfully convicted of something and going to prison.
But if it were to happen, I’m sure it would end up okay as well.
Like George Bluth.
Anyways, the first most important thing I learned in 2015 was that everything works out given time and everything is okay.
(Float On by Modest Mouse. You can listen to it here if you don’t see the player.)