Okay, so I mentioned that I was visiting some family recently and while I was there I had an interesting conversation with a male member of my extended family.
It was a very open conversation in the beginning and he mentioned that he liked my hair short and why I cut it.
I thanked him, but I mentioned that I wasn’t as fond of it as I think it makes my neck look big. (Again, open conversation)
His response was “So, lose weight.”
I just ignored the comment and instead started telling this man who I rarely see about some of the body positive movements and how I felt like I watch my weight and that I wouldn’t want to continue feeling bad about myself and my body when one day I may have a daughter. I wouldn’t want her to grow up knowing that I felt that way about myself.
And that’s what I told him. About my hypothetical future daughter.
He responded letting me know that he knew exactly what I meant. Like how his girlfriend’s roommates all had fake breasts and his girlfriend didn’t, but that was okay.
Two for two.
He finished it off with letting me know that he has seen bigger girls than me get married, so not to worry.
Now, here is the thing, this particular person in my family considers himself to be a very big feminist and I happen to know that he thought he was really being uplifting towards me.
So, I didn’t say anything.
But this is one of the reasons that I am a bit of a feminist and that I began to be a part of this whole body positive movement.
First off, if all I have to look forward to is marriage, I’ve got issues.
I don’t even have a prospect at this point.
But second, there is way more to life than having the perfect ideal body and gaining my sense of accomplishment by being married, it’s not going to lead to being happy with myself.
Quite the opposite. It may make me happier, but definitely not my happiest if my goal are dependent on what other people think about me.
The point of body positive movements is not about giving up on things like losing weight or making your body look more in a way you want, but it’s about accepting who you are without having those things, being happy despite those things and not comparing yourself to others or to ideals that others might have for you.
It’s about just being content even if it’s not where you want to be.
And a big part is not letting things other’s say about you or your weight affect what you are doing. Like said situation which before would have really got me down.
“He thinks I need to lose weight?”
“A guy will let me marry him because I am big?”
Absolutely not. We are just going to power on through those comments.
That is quickly becoming one of my favorite songs. Recently one of my favorite body positive movements asked for pictures on Saturday of people smiling and I used one of the lyrics from that song.
Focus on your abilities
Then they can’t get what they want to steal
(You can see my picture here.)
Focus on who you are right now today and then you won’t worry about your neck fat or the fact that you don’t have fake breasts.
Then you can’t be backed into a corner where someone will let you marry them or think your future wedding pictures are beautiful, because Hey! They’ve seen bigger.
Focus on your abilities.