Scratch my Back.

Yesterday I was walking into church and one of my coworkers who travels a lot was standing in the lobby. I hadn’t seen him in a while, so I asked him to sit with me. (After I said not to talk to me…)
He normally doesn’t, but he said okay. So, we went and sat together, distracting each other since we are both rather silly.
Well, after the sacrament, the people he normally sits with came in and sat with us.
A skinny blonde and a copy of her who was a brunette. They looked like Forever 21 models.
Then two more came and sat in front of us with another man.
As we were all sitting there, the blonde next to my friend started to scratch his back as he leaned forward and then the same thing happened with the brunette and the man sitting in front of us.
It was like they were in sync, which was really odd for me and rather distracting.
Funnily enough, my co-worker was turned towards me and making jokes to me while she was scratching his back.

Now, why does this matter?
I don’t know. I was just having a mix of feelings while I was being surrounded by attractive people scratching each other’s backs.
First off, I thought about how I wanted to scratch someone’s back in church. That is rather cut and slightly intimate while you are sitting together.
But I recognize that it’s not my time to be scratching other people’s backs.
What can you do?

But also another thing that I was thinking about as this was happening is how I always wondered how girls like that got to sit with attractive men like him.
I mean, anytime you see attractive guys like him at church they are always in groups with two or three girls and they all sit together, but they are just friends.
How do guys have so many “just friends” Forever 21 girls? That scratch their backs and crap.
Then they wonder why they never meet anyone new at church.

So, here is the weird part (and why I am bringing it up) there have been so many times when I have seen a cute guy at church and wanted to talk to him, but then I saw his friends and realized he would probably not be interested in me.
Because as I was sitting around these girls, they all look the same to me and I am not looking like they are.
I am looking a little bit quirky over here with my bright green pencil skirt and big Ray Bans.
But I was okay with that today.
As I sat there I wasn’t feeling what I normally do anymore where I have that slight ping in my stomach that makes me wish that I could look like that or that men would pay that much attention to me.
In fact, I was sort of glad that I was the oddball in this scratching fest.  Which is kind of a break through for me.
There haven’t been many times in my life where I didn’t look at a super skinny girl and think “Man, I wish I could look like that.”
There were so many times that I wished that I could be one of those girls so I could scratch a guy’s back too. (Sounds weird, but okay.)

Anyways, I felt like this was substantial yesterday.
For me to realize that all the body positive and be yourself influences I have been surrounding myself with has in fact made an impact on me, but also that I could look at those girls scratching guy’s backs and think “It’s not my time for that.”
That’s a huge deal too.

I realize this all may have been disjointed and not a fluid post, but I feel good about it.

 

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