Doubt

It’s amazing how as you lay in bed at night or as you go throughout your day, little things that you are so sure of at one moment can suddenly be your biggest fear.
I have been having one of those days where your mind, or Satan, turns yourself against you.
As I have gone through my day today, all these things that I have been striving towards or excited for have suddenly filled me with fear or doubt in myself.
It ended up being a more emotional day than I was wanting it to be. I was just wanting to go to bed all day to rest from my mind constantly working and having doubts created.
But even as I lay here in bed, more keep creeping into my brain. Something about today has my mental self shying away from even the simplest things I have always wanted.
What’s up with that?

Now, I mentioned Satan earlier and I know for non-religious people that’s a very extreme thing to get.
Is Corrie implying that Satan is the cause of her insecurities? Also, how many anti-psychotics should we put her on?
Let me explain, I have always been raised that when you start to feel discouraged most it is most often when you are doing the right thing in your life. It is when you are going to really make a positive difference that it seems that forces start to work against you.
Now, whatever you may feel those forces are. Odds, fate, the universe. That weird chick you work with who never seemed to like you.
For me it is Satan that works against me. This is the force that wants me to fail no matter what. And when I am on the right track is when he puts the most doubt in my mind. Makes everything good seem like it’s scary.
Makes me want to stop. Brings every horrible situation that could happen into my mind.

But that’s a difficult one, since I can’t stop. I will get up tomorrow and try my best despite my fears and my doubts and all his efforts.
I will get up tomorrow, because that’s how this story goes.
And if I fail, I will have to take it. If I succeed, a new trial will come, but I will have the happiness of this success.
And that is what I will dream about tonight.

One of my favorite quotes that anyone could have said:

You can’t lose them all.

Goodnight.

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