Islands.

Okay, I am not a very paranoid person in terms of isms.
Meaning that I have never really gone through life thinking there was some sort of difference between myself and someone else in terms of treatment.

This is most applicable to myself as being a woman.
I am not a feminist. I am not someone who sees myself any different from a man.
I actually watched a YouTube video the other day where a girl listed out all the reasons why she was a feminist. She had a lot of reasons why and after watching it, I couldn’t help but think “Wow, what?”

Maybe that is naive as a woman, but again I really do not look at men and see any default superiority.
I just see differences, but no superiority.
In fact, I always think if a man wants to approach me and duke it out on some default superiority, they totally can.
I doubt it would work out well for him.

But tonight I went to my first Math class and I found out that I was the only woman in the class.
There are 8 men in the class, 9 if you include the instructor.
And after doing introductions, I was made fun of twice within the first 10 minutes since I made my introduction.
They were just joking around and it was subtle, but afterwards I couldn’t help thinking: “Is it, because I am the only girl?”
But I just brushed it off, because it would be silly to get upset over them poking at how I introduced myself.

Then there was a point in the middle of class where one of the most outspoken men in the class was telling an answer and then I was giving the opposite answer.
The teacher stopped and looked at me and said: “I think you are talking about something completely different from what we are talking about.”
Uh, what?
How could I be talking about something different from what you are talking about?
We weren’t doing an equation and I yelled out: “TOOTHPASTE!”
No.
Well, I ended up being right and it took him an extra 5 minutes to get there. I didn’t say anything.
But it was another moment where I stopped and thought: “Is it, because I am the only girl?”
He didn’t do that to anyone else.

I ended up texting my sister in the middle of the class saying that I was thinking sexist.
She didn’t respond.
Now, I would never have thought that he blew off what I was saying because I am a girl in another situation. I would have thought it was because he had no clue what I was saying.
But in this class I am an island. I am different. I am obviously different.
I can feel it when they all started talking about smogging their diesel trucks (literally). I can give no feedback on that subject.

But at the end of the day, I don’t want to think that way.
And when they made fun of me in the beginning for blogging (that was part of my introduction they made fun) I countered it so quick all they could say was “Well…okay”.
And in the end, I was right about that answer and the man was not.
So, it terms of the pissing contest, I still feel if a man wants to step up and try to say he is superior by default to me, hurry up.

However, being an island really does point out those things that I normally don’t see.
I was never raised to look for those differences, but when they are in your face, it’s hard to ignore.
And I learned that I don’t want to think in those differences. It’s a frustrating view-point and perspective based. There is no facts to back up whether that is really going down.

So, I am an island in this class.
And it’s more empowering than debilitating.
Basically, I win.

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3 thoughts on “Islands.

  1. Okay, you don’t want to be labeled a feminist, I get that. But don’t you think in a workplace/college/school guys are always like “you girls have it so easy…blah blah girls this girls that”? And I think when people make fun of girls, it just reflects how insecure they feel about themselves, specially in the presence of a woman.

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