Recently I have gone through some changes.
Mostly I decided to go back to church, which wasn’t really a change in my mind.
You see, I used to be very religious and then I stopped.
So, in my mind it is not really a change, but rather returning to who I am. I was very religious when I was younger and all through my teenage years, but it wasn’t til I was 20ish that I decided I wasn’t about that anymore.
The problem with making such a huge decision like which completely changes you life and outlook, you have to really “prove” to other people who you are serious.
For example, I remember going through my blog and making any post about God private, because I was not about that anymore.
I remember saying some really harsh things about people who believe in God.
Well, two years later, you end up wanting to return to things that you once knew. You look at your life and try to find what originally made you happy.
And God has always made me happy.
But its not just happiness, I started to wonder who I was and what did I stand for?
I realized that I didn’t stand for anything. I remember watching a movie with my parents and watching these young men declare their love for God and I thinking “Man, I wish I stood for something like that.”
That’s when I remembered how I used to be and returned to it.
And I am really glad that I did.
It does leave a bit of an awkward situation.
For my parents and for people who have known me awhile, it’s no surprise that I went back to church. I used to love it so much, it was just more natural for them to see me go back.
In fact, I think a lot of them were relieved.
However, a lot of people who haven’t known me more than 2 years are a bit uncomfortable with it. I have a good friend at work who straight up pointed out to me that I had said some hard things about God and now to hear me talk about Him is just odd to her.
I have another friend who simply cannot accept it. It just doesn’t work for him that I changed so much.
But again, for me it’s not a change, it’s returning.
Anyways, now I am left with this mess. Especially on my blog.
Like I said, I remember marking all posts that talked about God private. And I have tried so hard to keep my blog so unbiased.
But this is a big part of my life. I don’t want to hide it from my friends that may not have known me long enough.
And how can I keep my blog honest to my feelings if I try to hide this huge part of me.
So, it’s going to be uncomfortable.
But I have changed and that’s it.