Cause time and stuff.

Do you ever stop and look at a few things in your life and realize how changeable you are?
I am hella fickle.
I am consistently making decisions in my life and thinking “This is the way it’s going to be forever.” and then a year or even two years later I am changing it.

There are a couple of things that I think about that I thought for sure I would be married to and now I have no feeling toward it.
Some are superficial things like my car or the way I do my make-up, I want to change this.
Other are big things like deciding I was going to major in Psychology and now realizing I belong in tech. Or even bigger, thinking I don’t believe in God and then now realizing I do.

On the one hand I feel like this is a good thing. It implies that I am progressing. I am making strides in my life and consistently growing as a person.
Refining myself if you will to where one day, most likely the day I die, I will finally be the person I have always wanted to be.
Each day and each month I get closer to this goal of being a good person, being the best person that I can be.
It also shows experience. That I am learning new things and when I gain more experience with life as a whole, I change.

But on the other hand, when I realize that I am consistently changing allΒ the time, it makes me a little wary of my decisions that I am making.
I mean, will buying Ray Bans today make me happy six months ago?
Will the things I declare on my blog or even to other people today be what I would want to be my opinions six months from now?
Or a year from now?
I can clearly never get a tattoo.
What if I got a pineapple on my butt and then six months from now I marry a guy who’s allergic.
Damn.

It’s confusing.
I know that the changes I make are for the better. When I look retroactively at my choices, they usually seem stupid or I just didn’t know enough about myself or the world.
But it still makes me worry.
I mean, when I was 19 Β years old I thought I was so mature and so ready to take on the world.
Now, three years later, I can’t believe I trusted myself with a bank account.
And that makes me wonder about myself.
I mean, right now I feel like I have it all together, but would 25-year-old Corrie think that? What about 35-year-old Corrie?
She probably thinks I am out of control.

I just want to make good choices.
But whether a choice is good or not is all perspective based and not factual.
And I just plain don’t know.

 

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