Hypothetically once upon a time you were crazy about this guy for about four years. Just totally adored the guy.
And was very open about it.
Then after four years this guy told you “I never thought of you that way.”
Better late than never, I guess? You definitely didn’t cry a lot over that for long periods of time.
Then a few weeks later suppose you told this guy that you were having trouble being his friend after that whole situation and his response to that text was correcting your spelling?
Then, even more hypothetically, months later this person texts you to send you a Christmas card.
And you’re a nice person, so you thank this person but remind them that you are no longer friends.
So, this guy stops talking to you all together, but then proceeds to favorite every tweet you even post.
Then you thought “Oh, what if he misses me?”
Then he starts retweeting you and you text him in case he wants to talk or something. Then he brings up that he almost didn’t retweet you because you made a typo but he “let it slide.”
And in that moment you hypothetically feel so sorry for him and all you can do is shake your head and leave him alone again.
Then it gets to the point where he favorites four of your tweets within five minutes in one night.
Hypothetically that would suck.
Hypothetically what if that happened to you?
So, yesterday I went on probably my last date for a long time.
I haven’t been in a relationship in over a year and a half. My life has become a long string of guys that I went on a first date with once. Or had a meaningful conversation with once.
But in this time I learned how to “play the game” when dating. I don’t want to play, but it’s good to know the rules.
1. Try not to be the first person to text.
2. Never text someone if you haven’t received a response.
3. Never say you like them.
4. Don’t compliment them.
5. Flirt subtlely.
6. Nothing said on the first few date indicates anything.
7. Don’t start to like them until the 4th date.
Or pretty much just act like you don’t care at all. Don’t start to like them or get excited about anything, because it’s all really fleeting.
At least for me.
You see, going on dates is just a huge reminder that I’m different, possibly eccentric. Because experience has shown me if you don’t play this game, it doesn’t work.
But I don’t like going on a date and having a good time, but then trying to not look forward to a second date.
I don’t like not being able to text someone, because they have not texted me.
I don’t like that I have to stifle all my alien/Batman talk and try to discuss other things.
I don’t like when I can’t compliment people or have to wonder how they interpreted what I said.
The point is, I’m not having fun. That “hypothetical” story I told is not fun and dating is not fun.
So, just never mind.