I wonder what people like about me…

First off, none of this post is said depressingly or out of bitterness. As with most my posts, I’m just talking.
Okay, one thing my mother can attest to is the fact that I have always had a problem with people.
I’m not antisocial. I can be very charismatic. I’m not crazy weird and I don’t have any disorders.
But I always just find that I have difficulty with other people and the things they do.
I have found that people will respond differently to me than they would to others. It’s like all filters are off.

Anyways, in this year living in Orange County, I have seen first hand that a lot of the qualities that I always thought were universally positive qualities aren’t quite so universal.
I’ve been told I think too much.
I’m too nice.
Etc Etc Etc.
And if qualities that you think were really great to have and you strived to have can be dismissed as undesirable, do you really have a good personality?

I remember when I was in junior high and I was bullied pretty heavily. Wished I was one of the girls that bullied me and I would come home and my mother would tell me I “have more personality in your pinkie than they have in their whole body.”
And I felt better. Because I had the important qualities. The lasting ones.

I guess I sometimes wonder what people really like about me. I mean, I stopped trying to date and socialize a few month ago, because it just seemed like people didn’t appreciate me.
And I thought:

Well, I’ll just appreciate myself. I think I’m fun.

And I have done that for 5 months. I was my own biggest fan.
But now I start to wonder what people like about me. If anything.
I’m not saying people dislike me, but are just more indifferent.

But maybe people don’t think I am as great as I think I do. Maybe my personality is all in my head and I just exist to other people.
Maybe I am just someone moving around in the background.
Full of delusions of grandeur.

Oh Well.


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