I wake up at 4:30 am.

One of the best things about humanity is our way to find a generic header, either a common issue or a title, that we can stick everything that we don’t want to think about or every issue we have under.
For example:

Why did your marriage end?
Well, when the recession hit…

Anyways, sometimes in my life I end up finding one of those headers that I can just put all of my problems under.
I like to visualize a spiral notebook where I would write all of my problems, line by line. And on the front of this spiral notebook I would write in Sharpie this header.

About a month ago my work switched my work schedule. I now work 6 am to 3 pm.
So, now my current Sharpie header is: “I wake up at 4:30 am.”
Before it was that I wasn’t having sex. Not that this changed, but the fact that I wake up at 4:30 am just seems to fit every problem I have better.
Or my mind just links my problems to this more than it does the other header before that.

Why are you so tired? I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.
Why are you impatient? I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.
Why are you stressed out? I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.
Why don’t you go out more or have a boyfriend? I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.
Why didn’t you work out? I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.
Why didn’t you pick up your contact prescription? Hey, Come on. I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.

It just kind of fits all of my problems. Except being broke.
Although I feel I would be able to cope with being broke more if I woke up 2 hours later everyday. At 6:30 am.
Like a normal person.

Anyways, I actually sometimes find this header I put on my problems to be slightly comforting.
It makes it easy to not worry or over think my problems, because I can assign them an easy answer or explain them easily.
Now, even though logically I know not all of my problems would be solved if I woke up later, it still is just nice.

My life is imperfect and hard, because I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.
That’s the only explanation.

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