October 11th

For the last 7 weeks I have been working at a new company. I have been going through a very intense training program where I have spent 4 hours everyday in a room where there were lectures on the product we will be troubleshooting. With 13 other strangers. During these lectures I have been taking extensive notes and working very hard to absorb as much as I could.
And it’s actually been one of the funest places I have ever worked. And I have taken the time, as you know from a previous blog post, to learn most of the 100 people working in that buildings name. I care.

Well, tomorrow is kind of a pretty huge day. Somewhat.
You see, Friday was the last day of those training classes and tomorrow is the day that they actually start letting us do the job that they have been training us for, with senior reps shadowing us. As my favorite supervisors mentioned “It’s Game Day!”
And October 11th is the end date of our designated 10 week training program.

One of the other supervisor had mentioned that October 11th is going to be a sad day for a lot of people. They will just be letting people go.
The ones who don’t get it. The ones that no longer have a job.

Well, I have been very much anticipating actually doing the job.
I have been anticipating it for 5 weeks. It drove me crazy. I knew I could do it. The other people in our training group call me “The Guru”.
But then two weeks ago I noticed a lot of people who already work there treat me like I am stupid. They won’t even let me do the little I am allowed to do.
I actually had a guy from another department tell me

Whatever you think you know, you don’t know anything.

Inspiring.
When all of these people act this way, a girl in my training group always asks me why I don’t tell them what I know.
But I don’t want to fight for my intelligence. All week I told her:

Well, on October 11th we will know what I know or don’t know.

Then I try to be zen about it. I try to put on my “these are tech support people” filter on. (FYI, I have worked in tech support for awhile. Generally they don’t have the best social skills. Or self esteem. So they will put down your skills, because somehow everyone threatens theirs.)
And I have tried to be calm. Made sure to support my team.

There is a woman on my team who I am very close with and she is having bad anxiety about certifying.
She is convinced she won’t make it and keeps getting stomach aches over tomorrow.
So, tonight I went out and bought her flowers for tomorrow. Sunflowers. To make her feel better.

But tonight I am the one with the stomach ache.
I keep thinking about October 11th.
And if I really will make it. If I am as smart and capable as I thought I was.

You know, I keep thinking about how every payday I set up an auto transfer from my Checkings to my Savings.
But I didn’t set one up for the payday after the 11th.
So, maybe I don’t trust myself.
I also keep thinking about the effort I put in to building relationships with these people at my new work and how quickly they will forget me.
Kind of depressing.

I don’t know. It’s just nerves, I suppose.

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