Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Have you ever heard the phrase:

I fall in love everyday

I have heard this a lot and it makes me want to listen to DeathCab.
I remember the first time I heard it I didn’t understand how someone could fall in love everyday. Then I thought it sounded horrible.
Turns out it is.

You see, I am currently in the middle of a battle with myself.
I am so distracted by men right now.
I can’t help but want to be in some form of a relationship. It’s been over a year since I have even been kissed and I am just craving attention from men.
But not in a whorish way. Just in a dating way.
Which may still be whorish. I don’t know.

I want someone to date and give affection to and to tell me I’m pretty.
I want a male presence in my life.
I think a big portion of this desire comes from the fact that at my new job everyone is either married or engaged. Literally.
So, even though I have a ton of friends now and we all get along, can’t help but notice something is missing and I’m pining for it.

Yet on the flip side, despite my pining, the timing is off. This isn’t a good time for me to have a relationship.
I have so much to work on and focus on.
I have my new job that I am still not a permanent employee as of yet. I have my weight that I still need to work on. Still need to get more comfortable with my music and my art. I need to move out of my parents. I need to focus more on school.
Also, I don’t know what kind of man I should be looking for. And it’s been such a horrible year dating-wise. I mean, I am so sick of the emotional roller coaster dating seems to be. So, I feel like I should finish off the year without dating. Just close that chapter and start new next year.
This is what I want.

So, here is my issue, how do I stop pining for men and wanting someone to kiss goodnight.
How do I stop myself from talking about guys all the time and admiring anyone that walks by. Or when I come home at 3 am from a night out, wishing I had someone to text before kissing my pillow goodnight.
And most important, I don’t want to blog about men anymore.
How do you turn that off?
Because this isn’t actually as fun as you would think.

I’m not exactly sure how to stop myself from thinking about men when I already have enough in my life that should distract me from them.
But maybe it’s just like my diet where I literally have to stand there looking at what I want and think “No Corrie. You don’t need that.”

Again, You can’t see me shrug.


3 thoughts on “Curb Your Enthusiasm.

  1. Here’s the thing I’ve realized. No matter what point you are at, or what you are ready for, or what you need now, or later, that damn fate crap is going to drop someone in your lap at whatever fucking time it wants to. So you might as well sit back, and enjoy the view — write about men, don’t write about men, it’ll happen when it happens.

    Seriously. It just happened to me because I finally started not giving a shit. FREAKING FATE.

    1. I know what you are saying, but if I think about men, I feel slightly lonely.
      And if I talk to men, I lose my filter and blurt out things like how handsome they are or compliment them.

      The point is, men and I are not compatible at the moment. And fate can change that when it feels necessary.

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