Remember when you were little and every single person of the opposite sex had cooties?
Yeah, we were kind of on to something there.
The last few months I have been trying to date a few men. You see, a few months ago things were going so well for me that I thought I might be in a position where I was ready to bring someone in on the great person I thought I was.
Then everything took a sharp downward turn, but I am probably still a great person. Just not feeling it as much.
The point is, despite it taking a sharp turn downward, I really did actually try to start dating.Not my best life choice.
Here is why cooties exist for children, because dating sucks for an adult.
You can’t tell people you like them. You can’t show emotion. People are demanding. You get rejected and you have to reject other people.
It’s just the worst.
But here is the thing, anytime I have talked to a guy, they tell me that it’s the worst for them as well.
I think you always assume that as a girl you are having a bad time dating, because the guy has all the control. But then you find out that the guy feels out of control and the worst while dating as well.
Why does this have to be the worst for both parties?
I went on a date yesterday that just really didn’t go fully the way I wanted it to.
I went on a date yesterday and it kinda ended in an unsatisfying way. He didn’t make a move at all. I kept awkwardly bumping into him and sitting closer to him, trying to get him to hold my hand. I wasn’t even expecting a kiss, just a little hand holding.
Then this morning I ended up telling this person how much I like them, which in our society kills anything before it even starts. I know I wrote about how I don’t agree with it, but no matter how much I don’t agree with it, it is still how things go.
I break that rule all the time and it never works out for me.
I’ve eaten 4 donuts this morning.
Anyways, last night after my date ended in a way that left me feeling down, I was discussing it with a friend of mine who is a guy and I ended up saying that I just wanted to skip ahead past the part of finding someone, past the awkward first dates, the ‘do you want to not see other people?’ talk, the who says I love you first, meeting families and all that until you are just able to chill and enjoy each other.
You are both secure in your feelings and both just able to be with each other. And sleep together. Not sex, but sleep together.
That sounds amazing.
And when I told this guy friend about this small wish of mine, he replied saying that’s all he wanted as well.
But that’s not how life works. It’s complicated and emotional and lame.
And right now, for me at least, not worth it.
I’m too laid back to consistently be on this emotional roller coaster where I either end up getting completely hurt, pretending to be aloof or being the total bad guy.
That sucks for me.
Also, I decided to not work at that company I wrote about the other day.
I was going to write a whole post about it, but long story short, they had an employment contract that would have given them rights to my blog, paintings and anything else I do.