Childhood Promises and Integrity

Last night I was at a party. It was okay.
Some parties are really fun where you don’t ever want to leave. Some parties you want to leave within 30 minutes and spend the whole night feeling awkward.
Life is a gamble.

Anyways, at this party I was talking to an acquaintance of mine and I brought up boys.
You see, there are only so few topics you can bring up to other girls in their 20s that you barely know. Boys are a common ground.
I asked her if she liked anyone or if she was dating anyone.
Just trying to be polite and such.

As the conversation progressed, she told me that she had never kissed a guy before. (I can’t always choose the right topics for conversation guys.)
She told me that when she was a child she made a promise to herself that she would only ever kiss her husband.
What?

Okay, the thing about life and love and being a girl is that when you hear about stories like “A girl waited to kiss only her husband.”
It sounds super cute.
Why?
Well, the romance of the idea. Someone waiting like that just makes a person swoon.

But this is reality. And in reality, that is really an ambitious endeavor to take upon yourself.
I mean, one philosophy (which really isn’t a philosophy, but a simple truth) that I have adapted in my life in terms of relationships and getting married is that I can only control myself.
I can only make decisions for myself.

So, making a decision about what I won’t do until I find a husband, something that requires the decisions of other people in which timing is completely out of my control, seems ridiculously ambitious in terms of will power.
I mean, never kissing a guy?
What if you don’t get married until you are 50? What are you going to do then?

Or let’s talk about the men you date.
There are not many men, at least that I know, who would really want to date a woman who refuses to kiss them.
I mean, if I started to date a guy who refused to kiss me, it probably wouldn’t last very long.
I just think that is a big part of dating and showing affection.
You don’t have to have whore lips, but if you are consistently dating someone it is bound to happen.

As we discussed this, she mentioned that some days she regrets making that promise to herself.
Uh, yeah. I bet.
So, I asked her if she should maybe just forget that promise.
She replied with:

But that would ruin my personal integrity.

Okay. When I was little, I had an imaginary pet dragon that I promised I would always take care of.
Then my mother got tired of me talking to myself and told me to cut it out.
Do I feel bad about breaking that promise? No.

But in all seriousness, I don’t get this at all.
When I was a child, I had no clue what making out was like. I had no clue what trying to date was like.
I thought I was a princess and my eyes would meet with my soul mate when I was….16 and I would never have to worry about being alone again.
…..
There are a lot of things that I would not trust my childhood self with. I didn’t understand the world or love or kisses for that matter.

The point is, there are a lot of stories you will hear in this world about love and relationships. About people waiting and it makes your heart ache.
But the real story is not so exciting. It’s hard and even though I think it is very sweet, I would never do something like that.

I mean, real life just isn’t even half as romantic as I thought it would be when I was an 8-year-old.
Or maybe I am just not as romantic.

Food for thought.

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One thought on “Childhood Promises and Integrity

  1. I love the phrase “whore lips.” I’m going to use that if you don’t mind. Speaking as a person well beyond her 20s I can say it’s a really good thing to “test drive” before you buy. Also, if one’s personal integrity is stuck at the 8-year-old mentality, well, yikes.

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