Guys, I am ignoring you on purpose.

Okay, I am a strong believe in the practice of reciprocity. I have mentioned this a couple of times, but I never really elaborated on it.
We can add that to my bucket list right after we make a bucket list for me.

Anyways, we all remember our mother’s spouting the Golden Rule at us:

Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

Or at least I remember my mother saying this to me. A lot.
And I suppose she did a good job, because now that I am older I run a lot of relationships and how I treat people based on the concept of Reciprocity.
Which is the same thing as doing to people what you want done unto you.
Now, granted I am a little sassy and I tease people a lot, especially when I like a person, so it may not seem like I am always the friendliest person alive.
But I also do like it when people do that to me. Get a nice back-and-forth. Not to use that as a cop-out, but there it is.

Now, the problem with holding a life view like Reciprocity is that it is not the same as “Do unto to others as you would have done unto you.”
No, reciprocity is one step beyond that. It’s giving out to people what you want them to give back. BUT it is also returning to them how they decide to respond to you.
For me this is the less than desirable part of this practice.

I don’t want to be rude to people. I don’t like purposely being rude to people just because they are rude to me. I would rather be pleasant with them.
As I am finding out through working at my current job and with a couple of people in my personal life, you can only be pleasant for so long.
I think that sometimes when people are in a certain environment and they can get away with certain things, they just go for it. And no matter how much you are pleasant, smile at them and joke around with them, it won’t matter.

Something I learned last week about reciprocity, you have to do it both ways. You can’t just be nice to people while they spit in your face consistently. Because the only thing you will get is spit in your face and a possible feeling of self-righteousness (this is not guaranteed).
Last week, despite all of my attempts to foster nice feelings at my work place, two of the people who I have been the nicest too screwed me over. In the worst possible way that you can in a work environment.
It was so bad that one person that does not like me and I was only cordial with is now trying to be nice to me, because I took such a figurative beating from these people.

Now, what I have learned about reciprocity this week is that it is unhealthy sometimes to continue to try to be nice to people who are just unhappy and venomous.
So, even though I was the type of person who was raised to “Kill someone with Kindness” and raised me to “Love thy enemy”.
This is all fine and dandy, but at some point you can’t kill snakes with kindness. Life doesn’t work that way.
You can however ignore snakes and avoid them.

So, this does not necessarily mean that I am just a full on jerk to everyone in the world who is consistently mean to me. It doesn’t meant that at all.
I can’t throw off completely who I am, my personality and how I was raised.
So when it comes to reciprocity and people who are rude with you, I just ignore them and avoid them. If we do have to interact, I keep it curt and succinct.

Here is the amazing thing about this though, because I am not naturally this way to people, suddenly those people who are generally rude to you are frustrated that you would even return a small portion of this rudeness.
They don’t change the way they treat you, but more just get upset at how you treat them.
The double standard is amazing.

The point is, I have reached a point with everyone at my work and a couple of people in my personal life where I have had to cut off all contact with them unless necessary. They make me unhappy.
I hate that is has to come to that. I hate being like that.
But it is what it is.

I cannot think of a more perfect song to go with how I feel today and reciprocating horrible treatment.
Living in a Den of Thieves and it being contagious is exactly what I am saying. At some point everyone gets done trying to work with you if you are that difficult.

There it is.


3 thoughts on “Guys, I am ignoring you on purpose.

  1. Awesome post made more awesome by the quoting of “Us”. I worked with someone who was a horribly negative and mean person, but I ignored it and continued being nice to her for what I thought was helping keep workplace peace. We ate lunch a few times and I thought I had won with kindness. Until November 5, 2008 when she didn’t talk to me for two weeks because apparently it was my fault Barack Obama was elected as President. (‘Cause my one vote in Texas really mattered). Ugh. I’m over it. After the third time – I’m done trying. Mean people suck.

    1. First off, that’s why I never tell anyone who I vote for. Just saying sis.
      Second, I think that people who have difficult personalities like at my work and yours are just unhappy and they didn’t ever learn how to be normal.
      That’s why the things they do are so freaking illogical.

      And Regina Spektor is amazing.

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