Living Consistently is Hard.

Okay, all of my life I have been considered to be a very sweet and kind person. I smile a lot and I am very friendly.
But life always appears to run in a cycle. Every once in a while I will be going about my business, trying to be “me” like I just described and for some reason it just isn’t working out.
For some reason I am not being as nice to people as I want to be. I am not tolerating the things that people around me do. And I start to be very vocal about my disapproval in what they are doing.
On the one hand, this can be a very good trait. It is always good to stand up for yourself and to be vocal about the things that are bothering you….in moderation.
I am not talking about moderation here. I am talking about getting frustrated very easily and just an unpleasant person to be around.

I mentioned in one of my other posts that I have been making a lot of strides lately that I have been wanting to make for a long time.
But I noticed yesterday, when I bought my first car, that things that should be making me very happy and having an extended amount of happiness (more than a few hours) just have not been keeping me pleased for very long.
I have been grouchy. Consistently. Like an 80-year-old man.
Except I am a girl and grouchy. It’s still unpleasant for people around me though. I just have a nicer voice when I complain.

So, yesterday I took a little while to sit and think about why I have been so unpleasant and so ornery to everyone around. Cause no one likes someone who is short-tempered. Especially if its someone you are not used to them being so prickly.
The conclusion I came to whilst I was sitting there pondering, I realized that I have been really stressed out lately.

Now, I am one of those people who do not realize when they are stressed out naturally. It’s not until someone indirectly brings my attention to it. Like my sister telling me that I do not put up with anything and I have been a jerk to everyone lately.
Clearly she sugar coats things.

You know how you always hear that admitting something is wrong is the first and the hardest step?
Well I find that is really the only step for me. Once I realize I am being a jerk and it’s because I am stressed, I took care of it. I did things that I knew would not only relax me as a person, but relax my subconscious as well.
That simple.

Here is the problem I have with being “stressed”: Even if I have a viable excuse for being stressed (which I feel I do), it is not like no one else in the world is stressed out or they don’t have stresses in their lives. So it seems pretty selfish to act like a jerk because I am stressed out and only my stress matters.

But on the other hand, I do have to mention that I think saying “You are usually such a happy person” when someone is clearly having a rough time doesn’t help much either.
I mean, no one can consistently be happy. They can have a track record of being happy and generally they can be a happy, sweet person.
But expecting someone to always be happy and to always be sweet to everyone seems like a lot to ask. Ideally I would of  course like to be happy all the time and to not have stress in my life, but that is unrealistic.
It’s simply unrealistic.

The point is, for right now I recognize that I have been having some trouble with positive thinking and stress.
And we are going to go from there.
That is all.


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