I went in a Health Food store.

Okay, I have been on a diet.
It’s actually working out really well.
You know why? YOU KNOW WHY?!
Because now that I am older, when I decide to do a diet, there is not of this cheating crap.
I don’t take little bites here and there. I don’t go “Oh, this is a special occasion.”
No, I am pretty straightforward. But I do set cheat days for myself. Like “I will go out and get a burger when I lose this many pounds.”
It works for me.

Anyways, one thing that it says my diet will allow is “Soy Hotdogs”. It will allow this as a snack, not a meal. So it’s optional.
Now when I first started this diet 5 weeks ago, the carnivore inside me shook my head and thought “Pass”.
You see, my interaction with soy is very limited. I had some soy milk once and I was very unhappy with that in my mouth.
But after being strict on a diet for 5 weeks and eating relatively the same snacks that I always am, it didn’t look so bad.
Plus, the other night my family had chili dogs.
Now I can have the diet chili. I can have whole grain hot dog buns.
So I guess the soy hot dogs will do.

Okay, I have never had a need to go into a Health Food store.
I generally prefer to be in Unhealthy stores. I just like my food to clog my arteries a little bit.
Not really. You can get vegetables anywhere guys.
But as it turns out they don’t sell soy hot dogs at Wal-mart.

So, last night for the first time in my life, I ventured to a Health Food Store.

First Impression: It smelt weird.
I am not even saying that to be funny or to bag on the Health Food Store.
It literally smelt weird in there.
Second Impression: This place was busier than Wal-mart.
It was literally packed in there. I mean, there had to have been about 100 people in this very small Health Food Store. I know that California is very conscious of their Health, but come on. This was craziness.
Third Impression: Everyone who worked in there was like one of those overly trendy twenty year olds.
I mean, I hear that I am pretty trendy as a person, but then there are people who just seem like their lives are living out one huge stereotype and.
Why do clichés and stereotypes have to be proven right?

Anyways, I am looking around for these soy hot dogs. I can’t find them. They are no where. Probably don’t exist.
So I approach one of the trendy workers and I say: “I can’t find the soy hot dogs. I checked in the meat section and the frozen foods. Where might they be?”
He replied with:

Why would you check in the meat section? (Please read this in a rude tone to get the full effect)

I didn’t justify that with an answer.
But I do want to say I was buying hot dogs. I understand that they are not made of meet, but they are still hot dogs. I am not a vegetarian, thus the word hot dogs means the meat section to me.

As I was checking out, a different trendy worker started to tell me this long story about when he ate hot dogs.
It went something like:

Before I was a vegetarian, we used to grill hot dogs over the stove and eat it on bread with ketchup.
But I don’t eat them anymore. Hot dogs are so gross.

Okay. I understand you are trying to be friendly and that being a vegetarian is cooler in our society than being a omnivore…
But I would really appreciate it if you would not look at the food I am purchasing and call it “Gross”. I also think the world “Yuck” isn’t a very good word to use ever. This applies to “Yummy” as well.
I don’t look at your tofu and say:

That looks processed as hell. That’s disgusting.

Plus, I feel like the fact that I am buying soy hot dogs in a Health Food store should make me gold in the eyes of vegetarians ever.
But apparently not. Vegetarians can be a little condescending in my experience.
Once again, why do people have to prove clichés right?

All in all, Health Food stores are…fine.
I really have no huge problem with them other than they are over priced (there was nothing in that entire store under $3). Also, their bread is really thick. I bought a loaf and it was too much.
And soy hot dogs kinda taste too much like meat. Don’t confuse this with tasting like meat, they taste like they overseasoned it in trying to make it natural.
But still will make good diet chili dogs.

So, yeah.
That’s what I did yesterday.


3 thoughts on “I went in a Health Food store.

  1. Humans didn’t make it to the top of the food chain by being vegetarians. And no matter how disgusting real hot dogs are, fake ones made out of soy just sounds weird. Don’t get too sucked into the “health food” vortex. Fanatics have very delicate sensibilities and lose their senses of humor. Tread lightly.

  2. The only thing I get at health food stores is alkaline water and tea tree oil toothpaste. I agree w everything being over priced and the trendy employees haha..so true.

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