Hello, It’s Mr. Nasty.

Do you ever feel you’ve become the worst version of yourself?
That a Pandora’s box of all the secret, hateful parts – your arrogance, your spite, your condescension – has sprung open?
Someone provokes you and instead of just smiling and walking away, you zing them.
“Hello, it’s Mr Nasty.”

That is from a movie. You’ve Got Mail.

Okay, that sums up me today. Or at least me an hour ago with one of my co-workers. I freaked out at work. I lost control.
Not with everyone, but with him.

Was I provoked? Yes. I very much was.
It was one of those moments where you have had all you could take from a person and you were done.
But the funny thing about when you lose control and start yelling, no matter what the other person did, you are automatically the bad guy.
Because you are out of control, you just look like a jerk. Every single time. And once you do calm down, the wrong that the other person happened to commit doesn’t really ever come back, because you yelling and screaming usually way overshadows the original fault.

Especially with me. Because I actually make efforts to try to be a kind, smiley person for the people around me.
SO when I start yelling, everyone just starts looking at me like I have suddenly gone psychotic. And instead of taking me seriously, they just feel that I have lost it.
Then when I have finally stepped away and reevaluated the situation, I just feel horrible. I feel like the biggest jerk for losing my cool. I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed that so many people saw me do this. And I know what I have to do next.

I had to go to the…charming individual who burned me and caused my explosion. I had to apologize. I had to call myself out of line and inappropriate. I had to make an oath to change.
And I had to listen to him lecture me on how disrespectful I have been. How innocent he is. How I need to change.
While this is going on, my only thoughts are keeping a straight face and agreeing.

You know what that feels like? Like sticking your pride in a blender WITH YOUR HAND AS WELL.

But at the end of the day I am an adult. I may lose control and have temper tantrums. I may be Mr. Nasty sometimes.
But I am still an adult. And an adult makes restitution. An adult swallows whatever they are feeling to do the mature thing.

Okay, this song just seems perfect. First off it’s called “Keep Your Head”. And a lot of the lyrics apply to that situation I just described.
But the real reason it seems perfect is the fact that the chorus line is about how you should have left ten minutes ago. Which is exactly how I feel after I have a blow up.

You can’t see me shrug right now.

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