Okay, first off this is going to be a bit of a complain post. Everyone will get over it eventually.
So, one term has been said to me 3 times, almost word for word, in the last week it goes as follows:
Corrie, you just think that everyone doesn’t like you.
Okay, first reaction to three different instances of people saying this to me is that I could write a book and entitle it (and I will use another quote, because I think it looks nice):
Rude Things People Say to My Face and the Rude Things I Don’t Say Back.
Now maybe that doesn’t seem like a super rude thing to say to someone. Maybe telling someone that they think everyone doesn’t like them is a normal thing to say in people’s mind.
But let’s stop and think for a moment: How do you think that person will feel when you tell them that? Will it feel good?
No. I will tell you right now it doesn’t feel good. It feels horrible and you feel like everyone thinks you’re a real B word with no self-esteem. It’s not okay to say that to someone, no matter how close you think you are to them or how “no big deal” you think it is to say that.
I think things like this all boil down to perception. Our perception of other people. Their perceptions of us.
These people only see one side of me or choose to only see one side of me. Most people are only interested in that one side, that side being the side that affects them.
So these people see the side of me that is out socializing and they decide that it’s not up to snuff. Then they decide that this is something I need to know so that I can change.
But what happens when people confront me with this? I am so blind sided that they would actually say something like this to me and I am not wanting to sit and defend myself to them, that I just don’t say anything.
Yet here on my blog, I do feel the need to expound on why I may not be such a great socializer. Give a brief view into the different sides that people don’t see. Here we go.
To start off, I wake up at 5:30 a.m. every morning. I go to work an 8 hour shift. 40 hours a week. But really it’s 43, because even though I do get my half hour lunch, it’s not like I go home or do what I want during this time. My work is so far out-of-the-way that I can’t really go anywhere and make it back in 30 minutes.
Then there are the personalities and issues that go on and work. The mental capacity it takes to actively make sure you don’t take the things that go on personally.
But a 43 hour work week just isn’t enough for me. No, I do school full-time as well. There is never a time where I am not currently in school. There is never a week where I don’t have 50+ pages to read out of a textbook or a 1000 word minimum essay due.
Now, if that doesn’t seem like a big deal, let me just repeat something for you: Reading 50+ pages out of a textbook.
But those things are all very cut and dry. Working and school work are so black and white, but life goes on outside of work. Which means that I have to deal with personal problems as well. Like family issues.
Family issues that weigh on my mind. Family issues that I have to respond to. Financial issues that I have to respond to.
But the thing that really takes up the most amount of my mental and physical energy is not letting any of these things touch.
Not letting my work frustrations being pulled out when I am at home and vice versa.
The point is, social interaction kinda takes the back burner in my life.
Now as I write all of these out and I read them, I begin to wonder if that really is a lot on my plate. Maybe I am just weak.
But either way, I am so freaking tired. I am mentally exhausted and most days physically as well.
So when someone comes to me and tells me that I don’t think anyone likes me, I just want to chuckle and say to them:
Really? I have nothing better to do with my time and nothing else to think about, so I just sit and worry if people don’t like me. That’s what fills my time.
I want to laugh when I think about it, but I am still offended. Offended and done.
Because when right now showing up and being friendly to people is about all I can do. And it’s hard to do that. I feel like I am really putting up an effort when I do that.
But then to hear that not only is that not enough for those people, that they want me to do more? I would just prefer to do nothing anymore.
In fact, the only thing that comes through my head is: Screw them. (But with much more colorful language)
I’m just so freaking tired. That’s all there is to it.
There is a song, since I have one for every occasion and since I just basically complained in a 900 word blog post. Think of it as the prize at the end of a really hard Mario level.Follow @corzgalore