People get married. Not me.

Okay, I am not exactly sure what I want out of life yet.  I know I have had 21 years to try to figure that out, but in my defense I spent the first 11 years of my life playing with Barbies. Obviously now I am finger painting?
Can we really trust the maturity of my mind?

Anyways, yesterday my sister and I were standing with one of our friends and my sister likes to tell people things that I have said to her before that are not absolutes and that I also really don’t want to be spread around.
For example, yesterday she told our mutual acquaintance  with me standing there: “Corrie doesn’t want to get married.”

….

As you can imagine, that is not exactly something that I was hoping could be spread around. In fact, when I read that statement (And I could just be weird), it seems to me that this is something that might have been said in confidence and probably should not be repeated in mixed company.
I know if someone had told me that, I wouldn’t be repeating it a lot.

Hey! Have you met Corrie? She wants to die alone.

Oh God, she sounds terrible.

Anyways, after my sister burst out with that wonderfully personal now public piece of knowledge, this guy just gave me a weird look.
Which may seem like a normal thing, but mostly I think it’s just him. He is a very….interesting character.

He replied with:

Everyone wants to get married, Corrie. You can’t deny that.

First off, I would just like to reiterate how much I really really don’t like that she told him I “don’t want to get married”.

Second, I can see his point. I know it may seem like a ridiculous thing to say, seeing as everyone is different and there are a lot of people who say they don’t want to get married.
But what I am looking at is that no one truly wants to be alone. I don’t think anyone ever sits and thinks:

I really hope I can sleep alone for the rest of my life.

There are a few people, but not many.

Personally, because I feel the need to justify myself, I am not one of those girls who are bitter or depressed so they don’t want to get married. Nor am I one of those overly independent woman who “don’t need no man to complete me”.
I just am only in control of myself.

I had been dreaming of my “soul mate” since I was a little girl. And there was a time where I was consistently looking forward to getting married.
But just the older I get the more I realize that I can only control myself. Marriage isn’t one of those goals that you can work towards, you must have another person to do it.
I can’t control someone else.

So, what I see is that I don’t even have a boyfriend  which means there is no reason why marriage should even cross my mind at this point.
There is no vision or even hint of the possibility in my future right now. And thus I can’t really spend a lot of time thinking about marriage. And when my sister or someone asks me if I am going to get married, I honestly answer by saying “I don’t know”.

You can’t see me shrug right now.

 

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