“I amicably hate you and never want to see you again.”

Okay, the last few weeks I have been thinking about the guys I previously dated in 2012. I’ve been thinking about who they were and the aftermath of a relationship. What brought this on was the fact that I was talking to someone the other day about exs and I happened to have said the words “I can just imagine what they are saying about me.”
I have really been thinking about that. Not exactly the specific things they would be saying, but the fact that they will be saying things about me. I’ve realized that it is simply natural to look at the bad things of a relationship after it is over and only mention those things. Plus, it is kinda expected that this is what you should be doing.

I have said some pretty mean things about my past relationships. About my past exs. All of them were true, but they were still pretty mean. Just like you could say completely true, but mean things about anyone.

I was listening to New Found Glory the other day with my sister, which I haven’t listened to them in a long time, and in one of the songs the lyrics is:

Why’d you have to go and make me say these things about you?

I’ve realized that you can’t exit a relationship and tell people “Oh, this was a super great relationship. I love that person so much and think the world of them.” Life just doesn’t work that way.
It’s kind of like when celebrities say that they are getting a divorce, but it was “amicable”. Huh? There is nothing amicable about a divorce or a break up. You know why? Because if these things were truly amicable, there would be no need for a divorce or break up.

I was thinking about the first guy that I date for a few months last year. I really liked him. I really enjoyed his company and being around him. He had a lot of great qualities and when I think about those things, I really miss him. I begin to wonder what he is doing, if he thinks about me and then I get the silly urge to want to call him or text him.
But the problem is, there were HUGE reasons why we broke up. It was ugly. I felt disrespected and I think I had some self-esteem issues for a little while because of that relationship.

So here is what I was thinking about past relationships, it is kind of required that you be pessimistic and look at the bad parts of a relationship or else you can easily be dragged back into it. That’s probably why so many people get back together with people.
I also think that saying something bad about your past relationships is just natural and expected.
And that is all I’ve been thinking about.
Ehhh…

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