Write a Christmas List, You Selfish Jerk

It’s been a long standing tradition in our family that each year at Christmas time, we are to write a Christmas list. This list does not go to Santa, it goes on the fridge and in my mother’s purse.
Why do we write Christmas lists? Because there are some people in my family who are not afraid to open a Christmas present and say “What the hell? This isn’t what I wanted.”

Anyways, so every year we make a list of the things we are wanting for Christmas. Well I have a problem with this, because there is no way in hell that you can make a list of things you want for Christmas without looking like a selfish jerk. And even if you only asked for peace on earth and goodwill to all men, now you just look like a self-righteous douche. You’re making us look bad.

When I was about 12 and still asking for barbies, my mother once confided in me that my older brother and sister only asked for expensive items that my younger brothers and sisters could never afford.
Well now that I am older, I struggle with this. Once you reach a certain age (13?) suddenly the things you want/need become more expensive. Strange that suddenly a $6 barbie just won’t work for someone over the age of 13. Instead they want a $250 I-pod.
These reasons always cause me some hesitation in making my Christmas lists.

Now when I finally sit down to write a Christmas list, I separate it into two groups: Expensive and Non-Expensive. Keep in mind, I put Expensive as this over 30  dollars.
A problem I always find is that when I am finally sitting down writing all the things I need/want, it’s hard not to make the list just for myself. In fact, most of the time after Christmas I take my list and use it to go shopping with because normally I don’t have a list of all the things I want/need.

Here is something to take into account anytime you write your list, you will never get away with it. Someone HAS to tease you about it. Just accept this as fate. You will always come off as a selfish jerk.
SPOILER ALERT: I will probably re-write about this in 3 months when my birthday comes around again.


3 thoughts on “Write a Christmas List, You Selfish Jerk

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