SURPRISE! It’s 2 in the morning.

This is getting a little ridiculous. I’ve had sleeping problems ever since my hospital visit last winter. I’ve hoped that it was just off sleeping patterns. I’ve tried to reverse the effects, but I still end up awake at night.
I’m really big on denial. I won’t admit things until I absolutely have to. And the thing keeping me from saying that I have insomnia is one, my parents think that every problem I have is in my head. And two, about once every month I get a really good night sleep and this leaves me thinking “PSH! It can’t be insomnia. I slept really well….two weeks ago.”

I’m a hypochondriac. I’m well aware of this. When someone gets some sort of Health issue, my mind immediately skips to worrying about symptoms and if I have them. I am not as bad as most though. I don’t go rushing to the hospital over every little thing and I’m not super overly precautious due to my hypochondria. But I have had my times where I’ve thought I had cancer or that I needed to be AIDs tested when I hadn’t done anything that could give me AIDs. We will all know when I’m completely losing it when I think I have prostate cancer.
But it is due to this hypochondria that my parents never truly believe that I have a problem until the problem becomes extreme. Until the situation becomes a huge problem, it’s completely in my head. Because it’s so fun to imagine sleeping problems and illnesses.

Well insomnia has become a huge problem. Today something that normally wouldn’t bother me at all caused me to scream at the top of my lungs and then afterwards break down crying. When I was asked what was wrong, all I could say is I don’t feel good. The truth was, I am exhausted and my body aches from lack of sleep. I’m getting a maximum of 4 hours of sleep a night.

So my parents suggested that I take  a pill…..Well here I sit at 2 in the morning again, avoiding the pill. For as many health problems that I have had in my life, taking medication still gives me anxiety. Anything that’s not an ibuprofen or a vitamin is something I have to debate taking and procrastinate as long as possible. Even if I’m in pain and it will be eased.
I’m such a light weight when it comes to pills. It’s ridiculous. A pill that won’t even affect you will have me rolling around on the floor seeing spots. Plus the effects always last longer with me, if the bottle says take one every 4 hours, I will need one every 10.

The point is, I don’t know how this will affect me and for how long. And another thing, even if it does work, I really don’t want to be taking pills every night to get to sleep. That’s ridiculous. I once took a pain-killer that made me sleep for 16 hours. It’s interesting how something that is not even bigger than a quarter can have such a huge effect on a person.

Anyways, I’m going to take the pill now. It’s pretty much a given that I will not remember my name in 20 minutes. But let’s all hope that I’m asleep in 20 minutes from it also.

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