Rule One: Don’t Leave Your Gum on the Table

So, I’m still living at home. If you think that’s pathetic, it’s okay so are my two older siblings. They moved out and came back. At least I was smart enough to stay where I am. Don’t branch out, you’ll be okay.
No. The truth of the matter is, I was going to move out but then I got very sick and was unable to. And now just the very thought that I could move out and fall sick again keeps me from cutting the cord.

So I’m still living at home. Yes, I did just repeat that on purpose. Still living at home, me and my 5 siblings. Plus my parents. Can’t forget them, they are kinda important. So there are eight of us. One house. Let the games begin.
Some days we are the Brady Bunch.

All living in perfect harmony. Then when a problem arises, we all work it out together and then Alice makes us sandwiches. Except there is no Alice and we are all left hungry.
Other times it’s Family Feud:

I can just imagine the happy viewers who would be watching us as we all start to get heated. I can imagine the host smiling thinking “Oooh, this is going to be good. Ratings will go through the roof.” Cause we have had some pretty awesome fights.

And let me just inform you of Rule Number One: Don’t leave your Gum on the Table. Especially if you buy your own gum. This can be applied to any treat/candy you might be in possession of. My mother’s rule is “If you can find it, you can eat it.” Now imagine how easy it is to find treasure on the kitchen table?

I forgot this rule last night, when I left my new pack of gum on the table. I had only eaten one piece and I woke up this morning and there is none left. Who are the culprits?
Well it could be everyone. One by one they all walked by and took a piece of gum for themselves and one for a friend, until there was nothing left to take. Or even a greedy 9-year-old who saw a chance to get a sugar fix and stashed them all away for herself.

So who is the real victim here? If you are thinking it’s me, you are mistaken. Because even though my gum is gone and I have nothing to chew, if I ever brought this matter to light, I would be thought of as ridiculous and the gum issue would quickly be pushed under the table of Matters Too Insignificant To Be Brought Up.

Alas, my $1.39 will never come back and my breath will remain pungent. But who are the people who will have to smell my horrible breath? The people who ate all of my gum. So again I ask, who is the real victim here? HA! NOT ME!


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