I see one glaring Omission!

FANNY PACK!

 

I just received my first fanny pack in the mail and I am the most excited person ever right now! Literally, this makes my life. I’m going to wear it everywhere. My sister bought it for me because she is a kind old soul who knows the inner desires of my heart. And what are those desires? To be strapped into a wonderful pack for putting all my treasures in. The best part? Perfect for certain cripples like myself who cannot carry a single thing while on crutches.

My sister was shocked when I crutched into the kitchen, put an apple in my fanny pack and crutched back out. Why should she be shocked? If I can’t put an apple in my fanny pack, what can I put in there? Let’s be honest right now.

I go through phases, where sometimes I carry a purse, sometimes I do not. I’m in the do not phase. I guess I’m a guy in the sense that I can just put whatever I need in a pocket. Phone, license, I-pod. There isn’t a need for anything else really, and if so, that’s why they made back pockets. Masculine? Probably. The thing that got me out of the purse phase this time was the fact that a woman gave me a monstrous purse that was actually labeled suitcase. And she was the type of person who asks you if you are using the gift she gave you. Horrible Horrible. I like my free will to carry whichever purse I wish, and if you take that away from me, I just won’t carry a purse.

BUT A FANNY PACK IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY! I’m ridiculously excited at this moment. So answer some questions. Yes, the title was a Stella quote. Yes, it is a Hellogoodbye Fanny Pack. And Yes, it is currently strapped around my body. Success.

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