I’m not trying to be original, but…

First off, I would like to say that when you list all of your problems in a row, it pretty much makes it sound like you have a horrible life. I found that out last night. Not that I was sitting around complaining, just someone wanted to hear about certain things and it turned out that my life sounded like it sucked. But I’m fine.

So, I recently found out that everyone has faith in me except for myself. And I’m not trying to prove that I don’t follow the crowd here, I’m just stating facts real quick. Ever since I was about 17, I haven’t considered myself as someone with low self-esteem. I have my insecurities and I definitely have my down moments which might seem like low self-esteem, but they’re not.
The subject that I have ever low faith in with myself would be males. Obviously. I’m a single girl, what the heck else could it be? You don’t worry about if you attract males when your married. That’s the time for worrying if you attract your husband and….your children? I don’t know.

I’ve always felt very low in the attracting males factor. This may come from inexperience or from so many years of not really caring whether I was attractive to males. But now that I do care, I don’t feel confident in that area. Is this low self-esteem? I’m not sure, because I’m very confident in the fact that they like me as a friend, I just don’t see any guy wanting me like that. I’ve always been very forgiving of other people’s flaws. Ask around. Or even ask my one ex boyfriend. He would do horrible things to me and I would always forgive him. But I don’t understand someone forgiving my flaws. I guess I have trouble seeing the two-way street there. Probably because my flaws are so big in my eyes, that someone elses flaws seem so small in comparison. It could also definitely be my attachment issues.

But after this week, it seems that people don’t see these things the way I do. First thing: A girl called me anonymously to tell me to stay away from a guy that I’m just friends with. Apparently I was flirting with him, didn’t notice. And he was flirting back, still didn’t notice. But the thing that got me, despite this girl being an absolute creeper, stalker, criminal, was the fact that I was so threatening as a person who could steal a guy, that she felt the nerve to look up my number and call me. She’s unstable, but still.

The second thing that happened was I was asked if I was engaged. What the heck? I don’t even have a boyfriend, let alone a fiance. But I was asked if I was engaged. Ridiculous. And this was by a person who knows me really well. This person thinks I’m great, they have told me so. It’s very touching to me that they would think I have a guy who feels this way too. It’s too bad I don’t.

Now maybe these are things that don’t really have anything to do with whether guys like me or not, but these are things that made me stop and think that I might not just be as hopeless as I’ve always thought in that area.


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