Converse All-Stars.

I find it extremely hard not to feel lonely sometimes. And it has nothing to do with how many friends you have, but more of a feeling of isolation. A feeling like no one out there really feels the same way you do or a feeling of being cut off from others. Which would be my freaking favourite.

Lately I find that I have no one to talk to. And what I mean by that is that there is no one who is really listening. I need someone to just listen to me and really listen to me. Not someone who is planning their reply, silently judging me or worse, thinking of the story they are going to tell me once I’m done blabbering on about “my issues”. My favourite is when people like to tell me what a mess I’ve of things.
Uhm, do you think I’m unaware? Do you think I don’t know when I’ve messed up? Also, do you think yelling at me or demeaning me will help me to make smarter decisions next time? Let me answer that, no. It just makes me feel like crap.

I’ve been guilty of not truly listening to someone on multiple occasions and I am nowhere near perfect. In fact, it might be one of my biggest flaws. People always say that the thing that bothers you most in others is your biggest flaw. So I definitely feel I need to moderate these things from now on.

I guess the biggest reason why I’m complaining is this, I feel so freaking starved for conversation! REAL CONVERSATION! Real conversation with a person who is not in my family. Though they are great and I love them, I want more. I’m selfish that way. I want others to sit and talk to me about serious things. I love going out and making one joke after another and having a completely fun time, but sometimes at the end of the night, as strange as it is, I feel lonely. And I’m not saying I never want to do those things. No, the majourity of the time I do want to go and hang out in a group and chill with everyone.

But occasionally, I want to sit in a car or sit at a dinner table and get to know someone. Have them get to know me. I miss long phone conversations where you really can understand a person and really talk with them about their life and the things that they are doing. I miss that like no bodies business, though I just posted it on a blog, so it’s not really private.

I don’t know, this is just a rant that nothing will come of. But I felt I needed to throw these words out into the universe and get them off my chest. If you read this, you’re great. Call me.


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