02/20/2011

So a couple of weeks ago I was talking to the Bishop’s wife and she so calmly mentioned that I have attachment issues. At first I thought she just doesn’t know me, but after weeks of hanging out with myself since then, I realize I do have some sort of issues. Example 1: I dont like calling people my friends unless they first call me their friend or we hang out more than 25 hours on a consistant basis. Otherwise, I might call them my friend and they arent really and I just end up looking foolish and……attached. So if you are someone I know who is reading this and have ever wondered why I dont text you or why I never ask you to hang out, it’s probably because I dont know if we are really friends or just people that are fun to see each other once and awhile. You might want to clear that up with me. Example 2 (aka the more important example): Guys. Freaking Males. I have a guy cycle that I go through often. I wish I could just ignore guys, but I really think they are great and I’m completely straight, so I can’t really help myself. ANYWAYS, my cycle. It goes like this: I meet the guy, I either think he’s cute or feel something special for him or he shows what I perceive to be an interest in me which peaks my interest > I start thinking about him quite alot, kinda imagining what it would be like to be with him > I fantasize a little bit, cause I’m a creep > I see him again and feel awkward but also awed > I continue to fantasize > I slowly start to talk myself out of it > I ignore him as much as possible > Weeks later, I can converse with him again Honestly, if I get too attached to a guy and he doesnt like me, that sucks. I know it’s part of life, but I just dont think I could take that kinda rejection. And yes, my last name is McFly. This is why I will never get married. This is why I’m over Lawerance ((I know, I know. I completely wrote a whole bunch about him)). I also don’t like the way I act around guys I like. I feel awkward and wonder what every single move I make seems like to them. I feel weird for trying to talk to them, when normally I really wouldn’t care. All these things that I normally don’t care at all about, suddenly matter. It’s ridiculous. Anyways, that’s all about my attachment issues.

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