7/20/2017

As long as you are still breathing, there is still time…

That’s something the speaker in church said on Sunday and it struck me really hard.

Today my sister and I were driving with on a highway in the middle of nowhere for our work we do together and all of sudden it started pouring rain. 

The thing about driving in the pouring rain is it’s a lot like driving in the snow. And once the road gets covered in water, it can be like driving on black ice.

We slid off the road and probably were out of control of the car for about 40 ft of driving through bushes and desert terrain. Luckily there were no signs or anything for us to hit, we just plowed through a few small bushes. It was also lucky that we were in my sister’s SUV and not my Prius.

Last week I was listening to a talk and in the talk the speaker was telling a story about a time when he was walking on a bridge and the footing gave way. He fell and the first thing he did was yell out:

Father! Help me!

Praying out loud. He immediately thought to turn to his Heavenly Father and he was caught by one of the other hikers.

As I listened to the talk twice (I like to listen to them twice so I can hear the message and let it sink in) I wondered if I would immediately know or think to call out in prayer.

Fast forward to today when my sister and I were praying to see if we should make this drive, I received a response of “Trust me”.

And as we slid off the road and had a very tense 60 seconds, the first thing I did was scream my sisters name (to alert her of the situation in case she somehow missed that she had lost control of the car.) and then my heart praying to Heavenly Father for us to be safe.

And we were. A little whiplash and definitely shook up, but we were safe.

Then when we had turned around and said a prayer of gratitude, that saying from the speaker on Sunday came to my mind.

Even when you’re sliding out of control in the pouring rain, as long as you’re still breathing there is still time to call out to your Heavenly Father.

07/17/2017

I’ve really missed my blog lately. I’ve been running so crazy that I couldn’t even think of anything to write about on here.

I mean, I haven’t even done my make up in like a month, let alone written on my blog. That is just not like me.

Actually, it is like me. I’m very inconsistent with my blog over the weeks, but over the years, I have been killing it at this for almost 6 and a half years.

Anyways, the last couple of days there has been some lyrics from a song stuck in my head:

All will be well

Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself

All will be will

You can ask me how, but only time will tell.

This has been coming to my mind since there have been a few situations recently where things haven’t panned out and the aftermath leaves you just trying your hardest to manage.

In other words, trying to keep your head and then keep it above water.

But I just like the words of that song about how even after breaking promises to yourself, which I have done quite often, things will get better after time.

And that is comforting to me right now.

(All Will Be Well – The Gabe Dixon Band)

05/11/2017

This is something on my mind a lot tonight. I had decided a couple of weeks ago to start reading the Doctorine and Covenants for my scripture study each night.

But a few nights ago I felt I needed some peace and so I ended up switching back to the Book of Mormon. This happens almost every time I try to read the Bible or any of the other books of scripture, I end up missing the peace that comes from reading the Book of Mormon.

So, if I want to read one of the other books of scripture, I have to read the Book of Mormon with it just for my spirit to be at peace.

And that’s not a bad thing.

05/22/2017

The other day I watched this Ted Talk about stress and how it is actually healthy for you to feel stress.
The scientist discussed how if you view stress as healthy and the reactions your body has as rising to the occasion instead of getting stressed out, you will not have the negative reactions health-wise to stress that we normally hear about from doctors.

When I watch these sort of things, I see the benefits of knowing the results of these and trying to change your habits to be happier and healthier.
However, the last little while has been a very stressful time as we moved from our apartment to a house and I ended up having to quit my job in order to help with some of the things happening with my sister and her baby.

So, during this time, I kept thinking about that Ted Talk and how it was my body rising to the occasion….yeah that did not work.
Even though I understand the logic behind the idea of how stress is actually healthy and natural for you to experience.
That makes complete sense to me, however, it does not take away from the actual experience of being stressed and trying to function in that situation.
I think I do okay when I am in stressful situations, but being able to try to be super stoked or see my stress reactions as being ready for what I am about to do.
That may just be due to years of seeing the stress reaction for what they are, but I guess it helps to just keep the idea in the back of your head that it might be healthy?

Who’s to say, but I still am feeling stress as not the best feeling in the world and ready for it to go away.

04/28/2017

I have a lot of things on my mind tonight and I am not sure how I feel about any of them. Lying in bed right now I am just thinking about all these things and coming to no conclusion.

Today was one of those days where you wonder if the decisions you made were the right ones to make. Particularly socially in this case.

I was supposed to go on a firsts date tonight, but he cancelled because better plans came up. I told him we shouldn’t go on a date at all then. 

Telling a guy I don’t want to go on a date with him because of something he did is something that always sticks in mind for awhile. I haven’t done it very many times, but a few times my mother has said I was too critical and hasty. I now sit and wonder if I was, even though I still don’t want to go on a date with him.

 It’s not about him specifically, I just think it’s that you closed the door on an opportunity permanently and was that right? It seems like a simple thing, but what if it wasn’t? Who’s to say.

The other social situation on my mind is that I don’t have any friends in Draper. I live with my sister and brother in law who are my best friends, but at work or church I don’t really know anyone.

Today at work, after the date thing, I was craving some social interaction, so I started IMing this guy I’ve been in a few trainings with while I worked. It was great! We IM’d almost all day and it helped the day go by. 

But as I drove home, I wondered if being a single woman in my 20s and him having a girlfriend made that inappropriate. I enjoyed talking to him and nothing inappropriate was said, just chatting.  I want to be respectful, but I need a friend as well.

This is all just classic overthinking. That coworker probably doesn’t think anything of it and that date doesn’t matter. It’s just had because you grow up and try to interact socially and it’s constantly like “Am I doing this right?”

I guess these are just the things I worry about before falling asleep.

04/26/2017

A couple of days ago I wrote that I was going to post my positive thoughts for 21 days.
I would just like to show this as evidence that I have no follow through and want to be able to post what I want and not be held to a deadline.
That is why when people ask me what my blog is about, I tell them there is no theme or topic.
Why?
I don’t want to be confined to only writing about the things that I previously thought I would want to write about.
Like one time I tried to write a movie review. That was dumb.
I don’t want to review movies, I want to just write out my thoughts when I have them.

Now, the idea of posting things I am grateful for and a positive experience I have had would have been a good idea and that probably would have worked out great.
But I just don’t have the follow through and now a few days later I want to talk about something else, but instead I am spending the time to write out this explaining why I have no follow through in that area.

You see, though my blog is a public arena where anyone can come across it and read what I have written, I still write my direct thoughts I am having on here.
It has become an avenue for my free creative thinking to be expressed and like most not artist people doing something artistic-ish, I don’t want that bogged down by previous restraints I have put on myself.
I want to still write about God, psychology, eating hot dogs at a gas stations, or whatever else pops into my head at the time without being worried that I didn’t follow-up on the previous promised post of positivity.

So, this is me back tracking and letting you know I will probably work on the positive thinking outside of posting it on my blog, because I have no follow through on here.

That’s all.

04/21/2017

So, last night I was talking to this guy who happens to be interested in psychology as well and get this…he is actually going to use his psychology degree!
Crazy.
Didn’t tell him that I am farce who just studies psychology cause it’s interesting and not because I have any intention of using it as a career.

Anyways, we were talking about how to stay positive and happy with yourself.
I sent him the following video:

I actually read that guy’s book and didn’t even know he did a Ted Talk til recently, but I like the Ted Talk, because he is going to be way more direct in 12 minutes than 200+ pages.
Anyways, a little while back I started to do the suggestions in that video of writing down three things you are grateful for and journaling one positive thing that happened to you, but I only made it a few days.
He suggests 21 and now that I am thinking about it, I want to try that again because I have been kind of down, particularly yesterday, and since my blog is my journal, everyone else gets to join in on this.

  1. I am grateful for my knowledge of God and His plan of happiness.
  2. I am grateful for the Atonement and that I can repent of my sins. There is nothing better than the ability to feel clean again and removed of guilt.
  3. I am grateful that I can pray and feel close to my Heavenly Father

I feel like those are easy ones to be grateful for and probably similar to what anyone (at least who is religious) would say.
But I want to say them first, because they are the most important.

And the one positive thing that I want to write about that happened yesterday was that I feeling sick and had to come home early from work.
I was laying in bed feeling awful and frankly depressed as well. (I find not feeling well seems to be a big player in my mental state)
And I called our golden retriever to come lay with me and he is still a puppy so he is very busy.
Every 30 seconds he would try to find a new position to lay in instead of just laying down next to me.
Anyways, I just ended up laying in bed laughing with him, because he is such a wiggle worm.
It’s not what you would expect to be a positive experience, but he just makes me happy.

Just a reference picture for you.

 

04/11/2017

I just had a déjà vu moment. And it wasn’t even a good one.

I was sitting here at my desk trying to read something technical, definitely not generic enough to have just been similar to something I read before. And I kept getting distracted by thinking about a situation this morning where a guy I had been interested in told me he was going to pursue someone else.
And as I was trying to read this technical book, it was the mixture if the technical words I was reading and my distracted thoughts of “How do other people just end up with someone interested in them just from their regular lives? Like do I do my hair wrong or something?”
It was those two thoughts mixed together that made just this déjà vu moment.

…Really?

I won’t even pretend to have the slightest clue about how déjà vu works, but of all the moments that I am going to live twice or seem familiar, why that one?
This particular situation was specific enough, as it seems like they always are, that it makes the déjà vu seem even more prevalent.
But if you are going to live a moment twice, why would it be a bad one where you are trying to distract yourself from a crappy feeling? Why wouldn’t it be a super happy moment where you feel great?

And maybe the answer to that is the reason we don’t understand déjà vu. Maybe it’s because we try to box it into something that you would want it to be so it makes more sense when it just is.
Maybe this is some crazy teaching moment that I am just missing the point on and that’s why it seems familiar?
Or maybe it’s a situation where you are remembering something you forgot when you passed through the veil?
Who’s to say.

I guess I am just complaining in this post that my déjà vu moment wasn’t a good one.
Sometimes in these situations with dating and trying to become close to someone and it doesn’t work, I will actually pray to God that my heart will be hardened.
Like, can You just turn me cold towards these things? Can I become that person who doesn’t care anymore?
I’ve never gotten an answer, probably because the request is so ridiculous that He feels He doesn’t need to respond.

“Corrie, you’re kind of being ridiculous, so I’m just not going to respond.” – Fake response I think of.

He didn’t really say that, but I just think of that response because I know I am asking for something that He’s going to say no to.

Anyways, I’m glad I finally did my make-up today after two weeks of not doing it.
In my head, bad news is always slightly easier to take when you are wearing make-up, so.

But still wearing a t-shirt, of course.

04/08/2017

So, I am going to go off on a bit of a rant here that I had to stop reading my textbook to go on. Starting now:

One of the things that is beat into your head when you are doing a slightly scientific major, which I consider Psychology as a slightly scientific major, in college is the scientific method of research.

A big part of the scientific method of research is that scientists will not research or study something that they cannot prove or disprove. Meaning, if we cannot prove that our theory/hypothesis on something is true and we cannot disprove it, we aren’t going to waste our time with it.
….except when it comes to God and religion.

“People return to religion … not as an act of faith but in order to escape an intolerable doubt…they make this decision not out of devotion but in search of security” – Erich Fromm

Okay, I am very religious.
If you have read my blog for more than a few posts, you will have noticed this about me. I am religious, it shapes most of my life, and it is something that I completely live by.
That being said, I am not trying to shove it down anyone’s throat or force anyone to be a part of my religion. I am into it, it’s okay if you are not.

However, I have heard many times in the news and in my life, scientists and people in the scientific community try to “justify” or explain the reasons why people should not be religious. Or even farther, that there is not a God.
They are entitled to their belief, but now after going through multiple classes on the scientific method of research, you are only entitled to that belief as a person.
Not as a scientist who would have to provide some form of evidence in order for it to be accepted by the community.
You, as a person only, feel that atheism is the only correct way.

Freud, the “founder of psychology” (who I just talked about having difficulties with, said this about religion:

“that to anyone with a friendly attitude to humanity it is painful
to think that the great majority of mortals will never be able to rise above this
view of life”

Why?
Why is it that a way of living, that has not been proven wrong by science, is something that needs to be risen above?
And it’s even more comical of a statement coming from the man whose theory on life is there is only sex and death.
So, rise above religion as a view on life so you can only see sex and death too?
Cool.

I just wrote this, because I get frustrated with hearing scientists say that religion is bad and yet they can’t even prove its validity.
In fact, trying to even prove its validity goes against the core research tactics.
So…stop please. Or at least preface your statements on religion with the fact that your statements are not as a scientist or a psychologist, but are your personal opinions.

/Rant Over

04/07/2017

I find that most of my posts lately are about my thoughts on Psychology. This is probably because I am in my finally 10 classes and it’s all I read about.
But anyways, on with my psychological thoughts for today:

Being an adult, I have heard a bit about Freud. It started from the first time someone mentioned a Freudian slip, to the times that he has been brought up to where I looked up vague synopsis-es of his theory of psychology.
And every time I looked him up and read about his theories I thought I did not like them.

About a year ago I was thinking about Freud as the “found of Psychology” and thought I should probably actually find out what he was about since I had already decided I really didn’t like him.
I downloaded onto my phone all of his published works. (There were a few.)
I started to read them and got through the first volume, but the old English with scientific vernacular was too much for me, so I gave up before I even got to the good parts, like his theory.

But now that I am in the actual Psychology core classes of college, we are spending quite a bit of time studying Freud’s theory of personality, so I can finally make an educated decision?
Annnnnnd I hate his theory.
In fact, as the founder of psychology, I am pretty sure he has shaped our society in a huge, negative way.
So…not happy with him.

I don’t care as much about his theory of the mind and how it is made up, but what I don’t like is that in Freudian theory there are only two motivating factors in life or reasons why people do things: Sex and Aggression due to the desire to die.

Sex and death…that’s all there is. Everything else is just a manifestation of sex and death.

A very funny scene with Jermaine Clements in Dinner for Schmucks.

What. the. hell.

In the entirety of the human experience and mind, how is it possible that someone could think there is only sex and death? Even in infants, Freud found only sex and death.

I mean, if this is the foundation of psychology, no wonder we now have a society that is completely sex crazed and my generation cannot have a healthy sexual life, because they can’t balance between too much sex and complete abstinence.
But why am I a surprised?
Apparently there were only two options for what people do and the morbidity crazed are more taboo than the sex crazed.

You can’t hear my long sigh when I try to talk about it. The concept to me is just so ridiculous and dumb that I just end up throwing my hands up.
Why does it bother me so much?
Because I see it. I see how this one theorist was the founder of psychology and has shaped a society where sex is everything and those who can have sex with multiple partners are idolized.

It’s just a pity so much was based on his studies, because yes sex is great, but there is more to life than sex. And yes, death happens, but again there is more to life than death.
So, that sucks.
There is nothing more that I can say than it sucks.